Be the Things You Loved the Most

As the holidays approach, I begin to think more about my Grandma who passed away on Thanksgiving Day 5 years ago.  She lived 98 years, and I had the privilege to know her for 32 of those.  Appropriately, earlier this week I saw a quote, "Be the things you loved most about the people who are gone," and it made me sad to think about three of my four grandparents who are gone.  But then I realized how fortunate I am to have had so many good examples in my life (including my other Grandma who I'm blessed to still have!)  What a great way to honor them by being the things I loved most about them!   

I have two Grandpas and one Grandma who are in heaven.  I don't know if there's anyway that they can look down on this world or not, but it's comforting to think that they might be.  I hope that if that's the case, they'd be proud to see their granddaughter living out the lessons they taught me.  One of my grandfathers died when I was only 9, but I have vivid memories and lessons learned from him just like I do my other grandpa who died when I was almost 30.  I've chosen three qualities from each of my grandparents that I want to display in my own life, and I'll start with my Grandma Lena who I had a very special bond with.

Grandma Lena

• Unconditional Love - She loved her family fiercely and constantly - no matter what.  This gave me a foundation for loving myself and others.  I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do that would keep Grandma from loving me, and I strive to give that kind of love to my own family.
• Pride for family - She was so proud of her family that she often nearly wept with pride when one of her grandchildren did even the simplest of things.  Now, as a parent, I understand!  I tear up like her quite a bit when I'm feeling proud of my own family, and rather than feel ashamed, I am glad that I have this tendency like she did because her open expression of pride in me gave me a self-confidence that has followed me into adulthood.
• Love for learning - She could beat me at Scrabble well into her 90s and she was always learning new words (and sometimes making them up!)  She liked jokes and puzzles and all sorts of games, especially ones that required skill and thinking.  She often told me about how much she enjoyed school as a girl in the 1920's and early 1930's and how she adored her teachers.  She also liked to read and keep up on current events.   She stayed sharp and witty until the end - even on the last day I spent with her.  She taught me never to be ashamed of intellect and that using my brain was fun.  This may be why the only games on my phone are chess and number puzzles... 

Grandpa Ralph (married to Grandma Lena)

• Fun and Adventure - He loved to travel, and liked to take a different route every time he went somewhere.  I was born when he was almost 71 years old, but even at that age, he played tag with me, taught me how to 'pump' on the swing in his back yard, and played games with me.  He was always singing and playing his harmonica or ukulele.   A few years ago, I decided I wanted to spend more time doing things that were fun to me - that included giving piano lessons and writing this blog and going on trips with my family.
• Kindness - He was the kindest man I've ever known.  As I said, I was only 9 when he died, but his kindness made a huge impression on me.  He treated me, even as a young girl, with respect.  Maybe that's why I've always talked to my kids more like they were adults than kids - I liked to be talked to and treated that way.  Grandpa had a gentle spirit and was the kind of person you wanted to be around.  That's probably why he was a good salesman and business owner.  I've recently discovered a little streak of sales in myself (I sell organizing supplies if you didn't know) and hearing my parents say I had a little of Grandpa Ralph in me made me beam!  
• Loving Marriage - My Grandpa was what I'd call madly in love with my Grandma.  From the time he was 18 and she was 13, he knew she was the one.  They didn't get married until he was 23 and she was 18, so they were married for 57 years before he passed away.  I've heard all sorts of funny stories how crazy he was about her, and it showed even when they were grandparents like when he called her 'Babe' or left her love notes.  It's wonderful to have seen a relationship that didn't get stale with age and know that's possible in a marriage. 

Grandpa Pete

• Hard Work - He could build, make or fix anything.  He built houses from the ground up, remodeled houses, did woodworking and gardened.  He had various jobs (including being a barber), but he was always working on his own side projects, too.  He valued hard work and didn't like to sit around.  I got the chance to go on fishing trips with him and my Grandma and cousins in Minnesota, and we had so much fun, but he expected us to do our share.   I know I could do better and be more consistent as a parent, but I hope he'd be proud of how I'm trying to raise my kids with a respect for hard work. 
• Creativity - He was always doing a project, and it could be intricate like cutting hearts out of a shelf he made for me, or big like building on to a house.  He could plan things out, measure precisely, and see the finished product in his head before it was finished.  When I was around 16 or so, he asked me to give him piano lessons.  He had a keyboard, and I'd go to his house once a week and teach him piano.  At first I thought he just wanted to help me get some spending money, but he actually learned and practiced!  Just the other day, I was teaching a piano lesson and pulled out a book of scales and saw his name written inside.  I may not be able to build things with my hands, but being creative is something I love to do, especially with music.  It's too easy to put that aside and do all the other things life requires, so I'm going to have to make the time!
• Love of God - My Grandpa was a lay preacher the second half of his life.  He wasn't ordained or didn't go to seminary.  He was the first to admit he wasn't educated in theology, but he had passion and a strong faith.  He grew up in Eastern Kentucky and had a wonderful accent and the kind of preaching voice that you couldn't help but pay attention to.  He had a well used Bible that was always nearby when I'd visit.  When he prayed, I always felt like God was right there.  He instilled a reverence and a faith in me and inspired many because he didn't pretend that he was perfect, and I think that's why he knew God so well.  He was the kind of man you name children after - that's why his is my youngest son's middle name.   I always chuckle when I have to break out the full first, middle and last name because I think, 'Grandpa would laugh at how often I say his name!'

I'm a bit tear-stained as I write this because I miss them all so much, but it is nice to relive these memories and see how the things I loved so much about these pillars in my life still resonate in me today.  Were these people perfect? of course not, but in these few ways and many more that I don't have time to share, they provided me a framework for a really fulfilling life.  I want to apply these qualities to my life and I sincerely hope that some day my kids and future grandkids will remember some of these same types of things about my life that will help guide their future.  Take the time to list out the things you loved most about the people who are gone from your life, but certainly not forgotten.  It will make your heart feel very full!