Being Productive Doesn't Mean You Can Do it All

There have been many times throughout my career that I've thought, "If I didn't have kids, I'd be a rock star at my job," or "If my kids were older, I'd have more time to devote to my work,"  or "If I were single, I could be married to my job."   And then I'd snap back to reality and realize I AM a wife, I AM a mom, and my kids ARE young - and I'm SO HAPPY about those facts!  Those facts are what make me a whole person are the areas of my life that I love the most.

So why is it I feel like when I embrace my role as a wife and mom, that I can't be amazing in a professional role, too?  The reason is simple - because I can't be incredible at everything at the same time - no one can.  I can be laser focused at work, but them my home life suffers, or I can be all in all the time at home, and my work life suffers.  It's a conundrum that I think all working parents face.  It's a big source of what you often hear called "mommy guilt."   Working moms tend to try to just DO more to make up for the fact they are away from their families at a job during many hours of the day, but this can lead to over-working and over-scheduling.  In an interview with clinical psychologist, Nicole Grocki about this topic, the Mindful Return​ website explained,  "Here we’re grappling with the mom’s belief that if a mom does more, and ignores the guilt, the better she will feel.  But this behavior can lead to burnout and becoming physically unwell."

I, like many, turned to productivity to help me figure out the secret formula (spoiler alert - there isn't one!)  I wanted to do all the things, be great in all areas, and appear like it was easy.  When I dove in, I realized that one of the biggest secrets to productivity is not to do it all, but to do the right things.  No matter how productive you are, you can not do it all.  A productivity system can help you get more done in less time - that's true - but it cannot create more hours in the day, it cannot develop meaningful relationships with your kids, it cannot foster camaraderie with your co-workers, it cannot magically make you smarter or more knowledgeable.   All of those things take time and dedication.  If you are simply checking things of of a list - read the kids a bedtime story (check), read a business book (check), make a dinner reservation for date night (check) - you may not be fully experiencing the joys of life.

"No matter how productive you are, you can not do it all."

I don't want you to feel discouraged though, because I have a few suggestions for you!  
​

• Lower your own expectations

I've written about this one before, so I'm just going to link you to that post.  Give yourself the grace you'd give anyone else!

• Don't keep to do's in your head

You're a busy person so don't waste any of the energy you have to spend on remembering things.  Keep a master to do list.  Use paper or digital, it doesn't matter.  Just develop your own system of capturing all the things in your head so you can use your brain for doing the stuff and not just remembering it!

• Recognize seasons of your life and move your focus to where it needs to be during that time.

As I said above, my kids are still young, and it's going too fast.  I want to freeze time sometimes.  This is the season of my life that going to kids' activities is more important to me than going to a work event and rubbing shoulders with important people, and I'm done feeling guilty about that!

• Prune out some of the unnecessary from your life.

​We all do a lot, and there's bound to be a few things that you can either stop doing all together or delegate to someone else.  I encourage you to check out this roles and responsibilities worksheet to help identify all the roles and responsibilities you have in your life and how you can cut back to give yourself some breathing room.

• Add something to your life that is just for you.

This one seems counter-intuitive, but I highly recommend it.  When I was the busiest and most overwhelmed in my life is when I started this blog.  I needed an outlet that wasn't about my family or my work.  It was something that I could put on the back burner if I needed to without a lot of impact, but it was also something I could escape to if I wanted.  Find a hobby or develop a new skill.  It doesn't have to take lots of your time, but it can life changing!

---

Sources
Mihalich-Levin, Lori. “What Exactly IS Mom Guilt Anyway? A Clinical Psychotherapist Explains.” Mindful Return, 27 Feb. 2020, www.mindfulreturn.com/mom-guilt/.

​Photo by Manasvita S on Unsplash