My Life In Order
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Resources
  • Contact
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Resources
  • Contact

It's Time to Check In With Yourself

3/25/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Almost three months have passed since we turned our calendars to 2018 - 1/4 of the year is over! Can you believe it? At the end of last year, many of us reviewed the past 12 months and made a plan for the New Year. My process included setting areas of focus and then defining goals related to those. (Follow the links to previous posts for details.) I really think identifying broad areas of focus first is critical to your success. Some people do a word for the year, while others (like me) pick several. If you skip this step and just jump into making goals, they are often too broad and it becomes next to impossible to determine what actions to take to meet them. After identifying areas of focus, you can intentionally set several small, bite-sized goals within each category.

Though it's ideal to check in with yourself weekly (or at the very least, monthly), a quarterly review is key to assuring the direction you're going is the right one by making sure you're on track with your goals and tweaking them based on new information you've gained over the past three months. If you work in a job where you monitor a budget, you know how important quarterly reports are. They help you gauge how you're doing; give you insight into how well you planned; and allow you to make projections about the rest of the year. We can use these same concepts with our personal goals.

Picture
How are you doing?
​Before pulling out the goals you wrote for yourself at the beginning of the year, simply write down your areas of focus and then take a few minutes to write down what you've done (or haven't done) in each area.  It's interesting to see what stands out to us before looking at the specific goals we cranked out during the first week of January.   

I wrote a few lines in my journal about each of my 2018 areas of focus (in alphabetical order so I can remember them):
  • Scripture
  • Serve
  • Sleep
  • ​Space
  • Steps

Next, I read through my journal for the year so far.  I'm not the kind of person who often uses 'journal' as a verb or keeps a regular and detailed account of my inner most thoughts and feelings, but what I have learned is that writing things down helps me process them and makes me feel a little lighter after putting them down on paper.  I don't worry about it being neat or formatted, and many times my journal is just full of lists - what I need to do today, blog post ideas, home improvement projects, etc.  I recently started making lists of 'wins,' and this is quite satisfying and has really helped me focus on the positive, which is sometimes hard for me to do because the negative is just so much louder!  It's kind of cool to be able to look back at your wins - it shows you where your focus has been and gives you a snapshot of what really matters to you. 

After this review, I pulled out the completed goal setting worksheet I did in January and read through it.  Boy was I ambitious!!   I had great ideas, and I have made some real progress, but there's still a long way to go!  I suggest noting your progress (or lack thereof) right on your original goal worksheet.   Pat yourself on the back for your successes!  

How well did you plan?
After reading your high level thoughts, reviewing your journal, and noting your progress toward your original goals, you may have noticed that some of your goals don't really make sense anymore - and that's ok!  Things change, you change, so your goals can change.  Ask yourself five questions:
  1. What has changed in my life over the past three months?
  2. Are my goals still realistic and relevant?
  3. Should any of my goals or timelines be adjusted?
  4. Are there new goals that I should add in any of my areas of focus?
  5. Are there any goals that I should remove?
Make projections
With all the information you've gained from the review so far, I suggest rewriting your goals remembering to make them specific, measurable, actionable, realistic and time related. It's ok to have long range goals, but give yourself milestones or mini-goals so you can see progress.   Set some expectations for yourself, because expectation is powerful.  I recently began listening to the NPR podcast, Invisibilia.  There was a very interesting episode about the effect others' expectations have on us.  It got me thinking about how important our own expectations are for ourselves.  I think it's really powerful to expect greatness from yourself - however you define that.  Make some predictions for yourself about what you will have accomplished by the time you do this review again in three months.  Write down at least one statement beginning with "In three months, I will have..."  In three months, I will have lost 10 pounds; in three months, I will have made $XX in my business; in three months, I will have read 6 books; etc.  You likely have goals related to these, like "walk 10,000 steps a day" or "make three contacts each week with new prospects" or "read 30 minutes before bed each night" that will help you realize your expectation.  Review those "In three months, I will have..." statements next quarter - I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised with the outcome! 

This quarterly review may seem like a lot of work - but it's the fun part of all your efforts - seeing the fruits of your labor!  It's also important so we don't continue on the wrong path.  A few months ago when my old phone was on the fritz, my GPS stopped working reliably.  I was on the way to an event, and I was relying on my phone's GPS turn-by-turn directions to get me where I was going.  Instead of turning around when I had the first suspicion I was not on the right track, I just kept following what my GPS told me to do until I saw a sign that I was nearing an entirely different city than I was aiming for.  I turned around and it took me more than twice as long as it should have to reach my destination.  It's so much easier to adjust your course when you've gone just a little out of your way than it is to wait for the obvious signs that you are far, far away from where you should be.  Check in with yourself and your goals often, and save yourself from having to do a U-turn!

Sources

Rossin, Hanna, and Alex Spiegel. “How to Become Batman.” Invisibilia, NPR, 23 Jan. 2015, www.npr.org/programs/invisibilia/378577902/how-to-become-batman.

Photo by Cathryn Lavery on Unsplash

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
​
0 Comments

What Do You Want To Be Known For?

3/18/2018

3 Comments

 
This week I announced that I'm giving away a copy of the book, Get Momentum: How to Start When You're Stuck by Jason and Jodi Womack.   (If you're reading this before 9 p.m. on Wednesday, March  21, 2018 there's still time to enter to win!)  I highly recommend this book to help you get started on any project whether it be personal, work, or a passion project.  Get Momentum first helps you to figure out why you're stuck and then breaks down getting momentum into 5 steps:

1. Motivation - What do I want to be known for?
2. Mentors - Whom can I learn from?
3. Milestones - What are three subprojects I can complete?
4. Monitor - What positive things are happening that I can acknowledge?
5. Modify - What one change can I make to keep moving forward?

The very first step kind of stopped me in my tracks: "What do I want to be known for?" Before I even read the chapter, I made a quick list (in no particular order of importance):​
Picture
Picture
After I made the list and really thought about my day-to-day life, I began to wonder how others really saw me.  Just because this is what I WANT to be known for doesn't mean that this is how the world is seeing me - I have to take action to make sure these qualities are visible.  There's no doubt I want these things to be true about me, but what am I DOING to make them true, and what should I avoid to negate these statements?  I can be kind most of the time, but if I'm unkind some of the time, will that cancel out a perception of my kindness? or will the world take the time to weigh my kindness against my unkindness and award me with being "known for" the one that I've done the most?  Without putting pressure on myself to be perfect, how can I Iive to create the kind of legacy I want to leave?  

This is heavy stuff!  Thankfully, there were more exercises in the book to help me work through all of this.  One of the activities that helped me the most was figuring out how I spent my time.  As I've mentioned before, time is one of my weaknesses, so I needed to figure out if I was proving what I wanted to be known for by how I was spending my time.
  • Was I being present with my kids? 
  • How much time was I working on staying "on top of things" at home and at work? 
  • How often was I actually helping someone else achieve a goal? 
I've tried various methods of tracking my time in the past, from pen and paper to an elaborate spreadsheet I created, but I decided to try something new this time and downloaded the Toggl app at the recommendation of some of my productive friends.  This let me track my time in real time with a stopwatch-type feature or record my time later if I forgot to start the clock.  After a week or so, I could look at a high level pie chart to see how I was spending my time.  I could easily see that I was working way more than I was spending time with my kids and family (even when I kind of cheated and counted driving to the grocery store with the kids in the back seat as "family time!")

The real difference maker was when I answered the next couple of questions in the exercise.  The first was: "What do I wish were different?"  You may have heard the saying, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results."  Insane may be a bit of an overstatement, but if I want things to be different, I'm going to have to change.  I think we could all make a long list of what we'd like to be different in our lives, but what are we doing to make that happen?  If you're like me, I've gotten to this point before - I know what I want things to be like and then make a giant plan of all the things I'm going to change to make it happen.  And then I fail because that amount of change all at once is overwhelming. 

That's why the second question this section asked was really valuable to me:  "Do I really need to make changes now?  Should and can I wait?"  Yes, I definitely need to make some changes, but which of them are critical or should be done first?  It takes time to form new habits - longer than you'd think.  Gretchen Rubin, author of many books including Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of our Everyday Lives, wrote about this in her blog post, "Stop Expecting to Change Your Habit in 21 Days."  Give yourself time and space to make a change and really master it before adding more change.  ​

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results."
I chose one change to start with - during the school week, I will try not to work on my day job or on my passion project (this blog!) from the time I get home until the kids go to bed unless they are involved in some way that they enjoy.  This should include checking email on my phone... I'm doing better, but I'm still not perfect.  If I can involve the kids and they enjoy it, then that's a win-win.  For example my oldest son has been helping me with live Facebook videos - that's fun for both of us.  By making that one change,  I'm working toward one of the things I want to be known for - being present and involved with my kids and family because we are using that time to play family games, read together, or just talk.

I will add some more changes soon - once the family time on weeknights is a real habit.  In the meantime, I'm trying to keep my short list of what I want to be known for front of mind as I make decisions or even speak - is what I'm about to do or say going to cause others to "know me" for being kind or helping them achieve their goals; is how I'm choosing to spend my time helping me stay on top of my responsibilities?  If the answer is no, I need to rethink my actions!

How about you - have you thought about what you want to be known for and what that really means in your daily life?  I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments.  If Get Momentum sounds like a book you'd like to read, you can earn entries for the giveaway by visiting the Facebook page and/or simply like and comment on this post below before Wednesday, March 21, 2018 at 9 p.m.  to get an entry!  


​Sources

Womack, Jason W., and Jodi Womack. Get Momentum: How to Start When You're Stuck. Wiley, 2016.
​

Rubin, Gretchen. “Stop Expecting to Change Your Habit in 21 Days.” Gretchen Rubin, 16 Oct. 2009, Stop Expecting to Change Your Habit in 21 Days.

Photo by Niklas Rhöse on Unsplash
​
3 Comments

Confessions of a List Maker

3/11/2018

1 Comment

 
Picture
Hi, my name is Claire, and I'm a list maker. Here's a list of some of my confessions about being a list maker:
  1. I enjoy making lists more than I like doing the stuff on the lists.
  2. I've written things on a list after I've already done them just so I could check them off.
  3. I sometimes crumple up a list and throw it in the trash if I've made a mistake or put things in the wrong order and then start over so the list looks nice and neat.
  4. Lists seem to taunt me when there are unchecked items, and I feel inadequate if I don't complete my unrealistic list.
  5. Lists make me feel in control even when I'm not.

Are there more list makers out there? Considering the massive amount of options available for both digital and analog list making tools, I don't think I'm alone! Several months ago I did a poll on Facebook about digital vs. paper tools, and I was surprised by how many people preferred paper! There are many advantages to paper: it's accessible and affordable, and there's research that writing things down actually helps us process and remember written material better than digital. In a study done by researchers at Princeton University and UCLA Los Angeles, it was discovered that students who took handwritten notes remembered facts and comprehended subject matter better than students who typed their notes. Now, making a to-do list isn't the same as listening to a lecture, but when you write something down, you do process it differently. On the flip side, there are many advantages to digital tools including the ability to edit and reorder tasks without having to start from scratch. Many digital tools also allow you to categorize tasks, assign due dates, set reminders, and even share or delegate tasks. ​So, what's the best answer? I think it's a little bit of both! I like to start and finish with paper with a digital solution sandwiched in between. Here's my current process:

Picture
 Brain Dump
A brain dump is a great way to keep your mind clear and your thoughts organized.  Just write everything in your head down on a piece of paper without thinking about order or dependencies or prerequisites - you can connect and organize your thoughts later.   One option for a brain dump that I tried just this week is putting each idea on a sticky note.  When your brain is emptied, you can then organize your sticky notes on your wall into categories or chronological order.  This idea is explained by blogger, podcaster, and entrepreneur, Pat Flynn, as it relates to writing a book, but it can easily be used for list making or project planning.  Don't do a brain dump once and think you're done - this needs to be done regularly.  I like to do it every Sunday so I can start the week with a clear mind.

Picture
​ Digitize (or at least categorize)
Now that I have everything I know I need to do or remember either written down or stuck to the wall, I add it to my digital system.  If it's an actual to-do item, I add it to the task management program I use, Nozbe.  (If you missed it, check out the recent post where I interviewed the founder and CEO of Nozbe!)  The key is to categorize the tasks in a way that make sense to you.  It could be by project, by due date, by the tool you need to do the task, etc.  Though I think it's easier to do this in a digital system, you could do it on paper if you don't mind rewriting your list often.  Tasks that have defined time frames, like an appointment, should go on a calendar.  Again, my preference is digital so I can access it on the go, but you could go old school and use a paper calendar if you prefer.  If it's something that I just need for reference later, I either file it in physical files or add it to a digital system like Evernote.  A great example of this is when I wrote down in a brain dump that I needed new makeup but I couldn't remember the brand or shade I liked.  I added "buy makeup" to my digital to-do list, but I also added a picture of the front and back of each type of makeup I use to a note in Evernote, so when I am at the store, I can pull up my app and be sure to get exactly what I know I like!  Regardless if you go digital or stay analog, it is necessary to maintain your system with regular reviews so you can trust your process includes everything you need to remember and nothing you don't! 

​Daily Written List
Finally, we come full circle to pen and paper!  Each day, I physically make a list of the items from my digital tools that I need to do that day.  You might think, "why not skip the whole digital middle section?"  If I don't go through that process, I end up with one giant list that includes tasks from all sorts of different projects and with various due dates.  My digital system makes it easy for me to filter through my tasks so I can choose appropriate ones for the day.

There are three keys to making a daily written list:
  1. Make it the night before.
  2. Make it time-bound.
  3. Make it realistic.

Making your list the night before gets things out of your head so you can sleep better, which will help you be more productive the next day.  Making your list time-bound helps you to stay on track throughout the day.  There are certain markers in your day that HAVE to happen at a certain time or before or after another task.  Put those in, and then you know how much time you have to work on your other to-do list items.  Making it realistic is probably the most important part!  Overestimate how long it takes to do things so you can actually accomplish your daily goals.  Limit the number of big tasks to around three. Nobody ever got mad at themselves for getting everything on their list done!

I try to make my daily list right before I go to bed - sometimes in bed with my nightlight.  I look at my digital calendar first and then my digital task manager.  I fill in everything I'm going to need to do the next day from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed.  I only put times next to the things that are on the calendar or relate to a goal I have about how long I'll spend on a certain task, and I also specify what time I'll get up or go to bed.  Throughout the day, I reference my list to keep myself on track.  If I can't get something completed, I just highlight it; if something gets cancelled, I draw a wavy line through it.  When I make my list for the next day, I look back at my highlighted items to make sure they don't get forgotten.  I also make sure to continue to add and mark off items in my digital tools on a daily basis.  
Picture
This is a Sunday list. Weekday lists have both work and personal tasks.
For all you fellow list makers out there, I'd love to hear your comments about your system and any tips or tricks you have for keeping everything straight!  Happy list making!

Sources
​

Eck, Allison. “For More Effective Studying, Take Notes With Pen and Paper.” PBS, Public Broadcasting Service, 3 June 2014, www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/next/body/taking-notes-by-hand-could-improve-memory-wt/.

​SmartPassiveIncome. “How to Write a Book - The Secret to a Super Fast First Draft.”YouTube, YouTube, 6 Feb. 2015, www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWoYHAwzcpY.


Photo by Alejandro Escamilla on Unsplash
​

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

Photo by bonneval sebastien on Unsplash


1 Comment

Lower Your Expectations

3/4/2018

1 Comment

 
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about how my journey to get my life in order began.   There were two key things I learned initially that I've been trying to implement ever since:  
  1. Don't expect more from myself than I expect of others.
  2. Set boundaries, and stick to them.

Today, I want to elaborate on the first point.  I had an AHA! moment when I talked to my coach about all I was dealing with. She repeated everything I had listed on my responsibility list and asked me if I would expect someone else to handle all of those things in the manner I had explained that I wanted them done.  I immediately said, "No."  When she said if that was true, then I couldn't expect that of myself, I felt kind of stupid.  I mean, that made a lot of intellectual sense, and even though I wanted to insert a "but" and follow it some logical reasoning - I couldn't.  She was right, just plain right.

Realizing, and then internalizing that lower self-expectation didn't mean I wasn't good at my job, good at being a mom or a wife or a friend or a homemaker or any of the other roles I was in - it was FREEING!  I could be a "regular person" and didn't have to keep up the superwoman facade.  I deserved the same respect and grace that I gave to others, and I was really the only one who could give that to myself.  As easy as it is to complain about how others treat us or what they expect of us - as I've often told my kids, "you're in charge of you."  I needed to realize that applied to me as well!
"Done is better than perfect."
So since then, I've been all about lower expectations.  My new mantra has been, "Done is better than perfect."  I've become aware of how many things that I used to think were important were things that no one else would notice if I did or didn't do.  I've always loved productivity and organization, but now I had a new found passion for it because I wanted to accomplish the most I could without torturing myself!  Here are a few ways I lowered expectations and added in a little extra productivity:
​
  • Dishes - as long as they don't stink and there isn't an ant infestation, I choose family time over dishes.  We use a lot more paper plates and plastic silverware than we used to.  I made a set of family coasters (tutorial here) to help limit the number of glasses in our house.  I'm ok with running the dishwasher when it's not completely full, and I taught the kids how to empty the dishwasher.  
Picture
  • Clutter - during the work/school week, I don't freak out about clutter anymore.  We clean up on the weekends, and since I just decided to be ok with that, life during the week is actually less stressful. I do prefer a clutter-free house and have developed a few easy strategies to manage it.  I have a paper inbox for all paper that comes into our house - this is the #1 best thing I ever did!    We have extra toy bins that are hidden away under the stairs, so as long as toys are in that general vicinity - well, out of sight, out of mind.  I gave up on shoes being put away (honestly, I was the main culprit!)  Instead, we have a rug near the door, and as long as the mountain of shoes stays on the rug, I'm happy with that.  

Picture
  • ​Laundry - I'd love to say that I did laundry on a very nice schedule or folded and put away everything as soon as it came out of the dryer, but I'm going to be honest - I don't!  To lower my own expectations, I decided not to worry about doing laundry during the week unless it was absolutely necessary.  I bought enough undergarments for the whole family so that we have at least enough for about 10 days just in case we miss a laundry day!  A few laundry "hacks" I've implemented are:  I bought a bin for PJs that I'm going to re-wear, so instead of throwing them on the floor, I throw them in a bin on a shelf in my closet. I DO re-wear pajamas for a few days, and I also re-wear pants and jackets several times.  I usually wash a shirt after one wearing, but hey, if it passes the sniff test...  I also installed a hook in my bathroom so if I don't feel like hanging work clothes up or putting them in the hamper when I get home (which I worked hard to develop a habit of doing), at least they aren't on the floor.  We (I say we because my husband is just as good, probably better, at laundry than I am ) no longer put the kids' clean clothes away -  we fold them and put them on the stairs, and they have to "do the stairs" daily.   Laundry is still one of the most difficult parts of keeping up my household.  I'm going to do a whole post soon on this topic!

  • Flowers/Garden - we used to plant a garden every year, and though I love fresh green beans and zucchini, I don't like weeding, and the garden would inevitably turn into either a bed of weeds or a big competition about who did more work in the garden.  Last year, we decided it wasn't worth it and didn't even plant one.  I planted one zucchini plant, and we just bought fresh veggies from the grocery store or roadside stands.  When I'm retired, I think a garden will be fun, but until I have more time during daylight hours, I don't think it's realistic for me!  I also finally accepted that I'm never going to be great at keeping flowers alive.  There are a few types that I can handle, so instead of browsing in the lawn and garden section and trying new things every year, I stick to my wave petunias, and a few begonias and some others that I don't even know the names of.  If something I plant in a pot dies, I just dump it out and put the pot in the garage for the season.  No one is driving by my house saying, "where's her potted plant?" 
Picture
  • ​Schedule - I'm still learning how to better estimate how long things take - time is hard for me!  I now make myself OVERestimate how long things take so I don't overbook myself.  I'm done with the days of putting 20 things on my to do list only to get through half.  Instead, I'm making my to do list based on how many hours are in the day, how many meetings or appointments I have, and how long the really important things are going to take.  I'm trying to set more realistic timelines for tasks and projects.  I always ask others, "what do you think is a feasible timeline to have this completed?"  yet for myself I would set these crazy aggressive timelines.  My people-pleasing nature makes it hard for me to be realistic sometimes.  I'm learning that I'd rather overestimate how long it takes and get it done early rather than underestimate and either kill myself to get it done or disappoint when it's impossible to complete on time.

  • Parenting/Family Time - I was fortunate to have amazing parents, and I want to be the same for my kids.  I choose not to spend as much time on other things so I can spend more time with my family (and be less stressed doing it!)  Deciding on my family as a priority over a clean house or a packed schedule doesn't mean that I don't get to have my own interests, hobbies, and friends or that I don't get to spend some time alone.   I think by having outside interests, it shows kids what being a well-rounded adult is like.  Even so, I feel pretty strongly that the the old adage about quality over quantity time is only partly true.  I guess this is where I've lowered my own expectations - I focus on quantity and don't worry so much about quality.  Being home nightly for dinner and bedtime, spending some parts of weekends at home all together, and attending school and sporting events - those are quantity goals.  The quality part comes in the consistency and just "happens."  It's impossible to create quality without some quantity.  We may eat a speed dinner before cub scouts; I might have to sing a lightening fast song and say only a short prayer before lights out because of an evening commitment; or I might fall asleep on the couch while the kids watch a movie in the same room - but I was there, and it's still communicating that being WITH the family is important to me - because it is.  Even though I'd love to, I don't have to be the PTA president to be involved at their school, I don't have to give them expensive gifts to show them what they mean to me - I can simply choose them, have routines and traditions in our home, listen, be present, and show affection.  I'm certainly not perfect, but I'm  learning the balance ...I may say "I love you" too much, but I'll risk that!   

Keeping expectations for myself at bay is a constant struggle, but it's a struggle worth having.  Feeling accomplished and satisfied with my less-than-perfect life is so worth it! ​Do you agree that lowering self-expectation is a good idea, a way to survive and thrive in this fast paced world we live in?  Or do you disagree and feel that we should expect more of ourselves?  I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Sources:
Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash

Photo by Andy Fitzsimon on Unsplash

Photo by STIL on Unsplash

1 Comment
    Follow


    Author

    A woman with many roles in life who knows the necessity of keeping things in order!

    Categories

    All
    Book Review
    Boundaries
    Change
    Confidence
    Crafts
    DIY
    Goal Setting
    Habits
    Housework
    Mindset
    My Life In Laughter
    Organization
    Parenting
    Planning
    Productivity
    Self Care
    Self-Care
    Support System
    Time Management

    Archives

    August 2021
    July 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017

    RSS Feed

*Blog posts may contains affiliate links. That means that if you click on a link and buy something, I may get a portion of the sale at no cost to you. 
Privacy Policy and Opt Out of Cookies
MY LIFE IN ORDER, LLC
​2021 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Live Chat Support ×

Connecting

You: ::content::
::agent_name:: ::content::
::content::
::content::