Almost three months have passed since we turned our calendars to 2018 - 1/4 of the year is over! Can you believe it? At the end of last year, many of us reviewed the past 12 months and made a plan for the New Year. My process included setting areas of focus and then defining goals related to those. (Follow the links to previous posts for details.) I really think identifying broad areas of focus first is critical to your success. Some people do a word for the year, while others (like me) pick several. If you skip this step and just jump into making goals, they are often too broad and it becomes next to impossible to determine what actions to take to meet them. After identifying areas of focus, you can intentionally set several small, bite-sized goals within each category.

Though it's ideal to check in with yourself weekly (or at the very least, monthly), a quarterly review is key to assuring the direction you're going is the right one by making sure you're on track with your goals and tweaking them based on new information you've gained over the past three months. If you work in a job where you monitor a budget, you know how important quarterly reports are. They help you gauge how you're doing; give you insight into how well you planned; and allow you to make projections about the rest of the year. We can use these same concepts with our personal goals.

This week I announced that I'm giving away a copy of the book, Get Momentum: How to Start When You're Stuck by Jason and Jodi Womack.   (If you're reading this before 9 p.m. on Wednesday, March  21, 2018 there's still time to enter to win!)  I highly recommend this book to help you get started on any project whether it be personal, work, or a passion project.  Get Momentum first helps you to figure out why you're stuck and then breaks down getting momentum into 5 steps:

The very first step kind of stopped me in my tracks: "What do I want to be known for?" Before I even read the chapter, I made a quick list (in no particular order of importance):​

After I made the list and really thought about my day-to-day life, I began to wonder how others really saw me.  Just because this is what I WANT to be known for doesn't mean that this is how the world is seeing me - I have to take action to make sure these qualities are visible.  There's no doubt I want these things to be true about me, but what am I DOING to make them true, and what should I avoid to negate these statements?  I can be kind most of the time, but if I'm unkind some of the time, will that cancel out a perception of my kindness? or will the world take the time to weigh my kindness against my unkindness and award me with being "known for" the one that I've done the most?  Without putting pressure on myself to be perfect, how can I Iive to create the kind of legacy I want to leave?  

This is heavy stuff!  Thankfully, there were more exercises in the book to help me work through all of this.  One of the activities that helped me the most was figuring out how I spent my time.  As I've mentioned before, time is one of my weaknesses, so I needed to figure out if I was proving what I wanted to be known for by how I was spending my time.

• Was I being present with my kids? 
• How much time was I working on staying "on top of things" at home and at work? 
• How often was I actually helping someone else achieve a goal? 

I've tried various methods of tracking my time in the past, from pen and paper to an elaborate spreadsheet I created, but I decided to try something new this time and downloaded the Toggl app at the recommendation of some of my productive friends.  This let me track my time in real time with a stopwatch-type feature or record my time later if I forgot to start the clock.  After a week or so, I could look at a high level pie chart to see how I was spending my time.  I could easily see that I was working way more than I was spending time with my kids and family (even when I kind of cheated and counted driving to the grocery store with the kids in the back seat as "family time!")

The real difference maker was when I answered the next couple of questions in the exercise.  The first was: "What do I wish were different?"  You may have heard the saying, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results."  Insane may be a bit of an overstatement, but if I want things to be different, I'm going to have to change.  I think we could all make a long list of what we'd like to be different in our lives, but what are we doing to make that happen?  If you're like me, I've gotten to this point before - I know what I want things to be like and then make a giant plan of all the things I'm going to change to make it happen.  And then I fail because that amount of change all at once is overwhelming. 

That's why the second question this section asked was really valuable to me:  "Do I really need to make changes now?  Should and can I wait?"  Yes, I definitely need to make some changes, but which of them are critical or should be done first?  It takes time to form new habits - longer than you'd think.  Gretchen Rubin, author of many books including Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of our Everyday Lives, wrote about this in her blog post, "Stop Expecting to Change Your Habit in 21 Days."  Give yourself time and space to make a change and really master it before adding more change.  ​

I chose one change to start with - during the school week, I will try not to work on my day job or on my passion project (this blog!) from the time I get home until the kids go to bed unless they are involved in some way that they enjoy.  This should include checking email on my phone... I'm doing better, but I'm still not perfect.  If I can involve the kids and they enjoy it, then that's a win-win.  For example my oldest son has been helping me with live Facebook videos - that's fun for both of us.  By making that one change,  I'm working toward one of the things I want to be known for - being present and involved with my kids and family because we are using that time to play family games, read together, or just talk.

I will add some more changes soon - once the family time on weeknights is a real habit.  In the meantime, I'm trying to keep my short list of what I want to be known for front of mind as I make decisions or even speak - is what I'm about to do or say going to cause others to "know me" for being kind or helping them achieve their goals; is how I'm choosing to spend my time helping me stay on top of my responsibilities?  If the answer is no, I need to rethink my actions!

How about you - have you thought about what you want to be known for and what that really means in your daily life?  I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments.  If Get Momentum sounds like a book you'd like to read, you can earn entries for the giveaway by visiting the Facebook page and/or simply like and comment on this post below before Wednesday, March 21, 2018 at 9 p.m.  to get an entry!  

​Sources

Womack, Jason W., and Jodi Womack. Get Momentum: How to Start When You're Stuck. Wiley, 2016.
​
Rubin, Gretchen. “Stop Expecting to Change Your Habit in 21 Days.” Gretchen Rubin, 16 Oct. 2009, Stop Expecting to Change Your Habit in 21 Days.

Photo by Niklas Rhöse on Unsplash
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Hi, my name is Claire, and I'm a list maker. Here's a list of some of my confessions about being a list maker:

1. I enjoy making lists more than I like doing the stuff on the lists.
2. I've written things on a list after I've already done them just so I could check them off.
3. I sometimes crumple up a list and throw it in the trash if I've made a mistake or put things in the wrong order and then start over so the list looks nice and neat.
4. Lists seem to taunt me when there are unchecked items, and I feel inadequate if I don't complete my unrealistic list.
5. Lists make me feel in control even when I'm not.

Are there more list makers out there? Considering the massive amount of options available for both digital and analog list making tools, I don't think I'm alone! Several months ago I did a poll on Facebook about digital vs. paper tools, and I was surprised by how many people preferred paper! There are many advantages to paper: it's accessible and affordable, and there's research that writing things down actually helps us process and remember written material better than digital. In a study done by researchers at Princeton University and UCLA Los Angeles, it was discovered that students who took handwritten notes remembered facts and comprehended subject matter better than students who typed their notes. Now, making a to-do list isn't the same as listening to a lecture, but when you write something down, you do process it differently. On the flip side, there are many advantages to digital tools including the ability to edit and reorder tasks without having to start from scratch. Many digital tools also allow you to categorize tasks, assign due dates, set reminders, and even share or delegate tasks. ​So, what's the best answer? I think it's a little bit of both! I like to start and finish with paper with a digital solution sandwiched in between. Here's my current process:

​ Digitize (or at least categorize)
Now that I have everything I know I need to do or remember either written down or stuck to the wall, I add it to my digital system.  If it's an actual to-do item, I add it to the task management program I use, Nozbe.  (If you missed it, check out the recent post where I interviewed the founder and CEO of Nozbe!)  The key is to categorize the tasks in a way that make sense to you.  It could be by project, by due date, by the tool you need to do the task, etc.  Though I think it's easier to do this in a digital system, you could do it on paper if you don't mind rewriting your list often.  Tasks that have defined time frames, like an appointment, should go on a calendar.  Again, my preference is digital so I can access it on the go, but you could go old school and use a paper calendar if you prefer.  If it's something that I just need for reference later, I either file it in physical files or add it to a digital system like Evernote.  A great example of this is when I wrote down in a brain dump that I needed new makeup but I couldn't remember the brand or shade I liked.  I added "buy makeup" to my digital to-do list, but I also added a picture of the front and back of each type of makeup I use to a note in Evernote, so when I am at the store, I can pull up my app and be sure to get exactly what I know I like!  Regardless if you go digital or stay analog, it is necessary to maintain your system with regular reviews so you can trust your process includes everything you need to remember and nothing you don't! 

​Daily Written List
Finally, we come full circle to pen and paper!  Each day, I physically make a list of the items from my digital tools that I need to do that day.  You might think, "why not skip the whole digital middle section?"  If I don't go through that process, I end up with one giant list that includes tasks from all sorts of different projects and with various due dates.  My digital system makes it easy for me to filter through my tasks so I can choose appropriate ones for the day.

There are three keys to making a daily written list:

1. Make it the night before.
2. Make it time-bound.
3. Make it realistic.

Making your list the night before gets things out of your head so you can sleep better, which will help you be more productive the next day.  Making your list time-bound helps you to stay on track throughout the day.  There are certain markers in your day that HAVE to happen at a certain time or before or after another task.  Put those in, and then you know how much time you have to work on your other to-do list items.  Making it realistic is probably the most important part!  Overestimate how long it takes to do things so you can actually accomplish your daily goals.  Limit the number of big tasks to around three. Nobody ever got mad at themselves for getting everything on their list done!

I try to make my daily list right before I go to bed - sometimes in bed with my nightlight.  I look at my digital calendar first and then my digital task manager.  I fill in everything I'm going to need to do the next day from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed.  I only put times next to the things that are on the calendar or relate to a goal I have about how long I'll spend on a certain task, and I also specify what time I'll get up or go to bed.  Throughout the day, I reference my list to keep myself on track.  If I can't get something completed, I just highlight it; if something gets cancelled, I draw a wavy line through it.  When I make my list for the next day, I look back at my highlighted items to make sure they don't get forgotten.  I also make sure to continue to add and mark off items in my digital tools on a daily basis.  

For all you fellow list makers out there, I'd love to hear your comments about your system and any tips or tricks you have for keeping everything straight!  Happy list making!

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about how my journey to get my life in order began.   There were two key things I learned initially that I've been trying to implement ever since:  

1. Don't expect more from myself than I expect of others.
2. Set boundaries, and stick to them.

Today, I want to elaborate on the first point.  I had an AHA! moment when I talked to my coach about all I was dealing with. She repeated everything I had listed on my responsibility list and asked me if I would expect someone else to handle all of those things in the manner I had explained that I wanted them done.  I immediately said, "No."  When she said if that was true, then I couldn't expect that of myself, I felt kind of stupid.  I mean, that made a lot of intellectual sense, and even though I wanted to insert a "but" and follow it some logical reasoning - I couldn't.  She was right, just plain right.

Realizing, and then internalizing that lower self-expectation didn't mean I wasn't good at my job, good at being a mom or a wife or a friend or a homemaker or any of the other roles I was in - it was FREEING!  I could be a "regular person" and didn't have to keep up the superwoman facade.  I deserved the same respect and grace that I gave to others, and I was really the only one who could give that to myself.  As easy as it is to complain about how others treat us or what they expect of us - as I've often told my kids, "you're in charge of you."  I needed to realize that applied to me as well!

• Parenting/Family Time - I was fortunate to have amazing parents, and I want to be the same for my kids.  I choose not to spend as much time on other things so I can spend more time with my family (and be less stressed doing it!)  Deciding on my family as a priority over a clean house or a packed schedule doesn't mean that I don't get to have my own interests, hobbies, and friends or that I don't get to spend some time alone.   I think by having outside interests, it shows kids what being a well-rounded adult is like.  Even so, I feel pretty strongly that the the old adage about quality over quantity time is only partly true.  I guess this is where I've lowered my own expectations - I focus on quantity and don't worry so much about quality.  Being home nightly for dinner and bedtime, spending some parts of weekends at home all together, and attending school and sporting events - those are quantity goals.  The quality part comes in the consistency and just "happens."  It's impossible to create quality without some quantity.  We may eat a speed dinner before cub scouts; I might have to sing a lightening fast song and say only a short prayer before lights out because of an evening commitment; or I might fall asleep on the couch while the kids watch a movie in the same room - but I was there, and it's still communicating that being WITH the family is important to me - because it is.  Even though I'd love to, I don't have to be the PTA president to be involved at their school, I don't have to give them expensive gifts to show them what they mean to me - I can simply choose them, have routines and traditions in our home, listen, be present, and show affection.  I'm certainly not perfect, but I'm  learning the balance ...I may say "I love you" too much, but I'll risk that!   

Keeping expectations for myself at bay is a constant struggle, but it's a struggle worth having.  Feeling accomplished and satisfied with my less-than-perfect life is so worth it! ​Do you agree that lowering self-expectation is a good idea, a way to survive and thrive in this fast paced world we live in?  Or do you disagree and feel that we should expect more of ourselves?  I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.