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Being Productive Doesn't Mean You Can Do it All

7/30/2020

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There have been many times throughout my career that I've thought, "If I didn't have kids, I'd be a rock star at my job," or "If my kids were older, I'd have more time to devote to my work,"  or "If I were single, I could be married to my job."   And then I'd snap back to reality and realize I AM a wife, I AM a mom, and my kids ARE young - and I'm SO HAPPY about those facts!  Those facts are what make me a whole person are the areas of my life that I love the most.

So why is it I feel like when I embrace my role as a wife and mom, that I can't be amazing in a professional role, too?  The reason is simple - because I can't be incredible at everything at the same time - no one can.  I can be laser focused at work, but them my home life suffers, or I can be all in all the time at home, and my work life suffers.  It's a conundrum that I think all working parents face.  It's a big source of what you often hear called "mommy guilt."   Working moms tend to try to just DO more to make up for the fact they are away from their families at a job during many hours of the day, but this can lead to over-working and over-scheduling.  In an interview with clinical psychologist, Nicole Grocki about this topic, the Mindful Return​ website explained,  "Here we’re grappling with the mom’s belief that if a mom does more, and ignores the guilt, the better she will feel.  But this behavior can lead to burnout and becoming physically unwell."
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I, like many, turned to productivity to help me figure out the secret formula (spoiler alert - there isn't one!)  I wanted to do all the things, be great in all areas, and appear like it was easy.  When I dove in, I realized that one of the biggest secrets to productivity is not to do it all, but to do the right things.  No matter how productive you are, you can not do it all.  A productivity system can help you get more done in less time - that's true - but it cannot create more hours in the day, it cannot develop meaningful relationships with your kids, it cannot foster camaraderie with your co-workers, it cannot magically make you smarter or more knowledgeable.   All of those things take time and dedication.  If you are simply checking things of of a list - read the kids a bedtime story (check), read a business book (check), make a dinner reservation for date night (check) - you may not be fully experiencing the joys of life.
"No matter how productive you are, you can not do it all."

I don't want you to feel discouraged though, because I have a few suggestions for you!  
​
  • Lower your own expectations
I've written about this one before, so I'm just going to link you to that post.  Give yourself the grace you'd give anyone else!

  • Don't keep to do's in your head
You're a busy person so don't waste any of the energy you have to spend on remembering things.  Keep a master to do list.  Use paper or digital, it doesn't matter.  Just develop your own system of capturing all the things in your head so you can use your brain for doing the stuff and not just remembering it!

  • Recognize seasons of your life and move your focus to where it needs to be during that time.
As I said above, my kids are still young, and it's going too fast.  I want to freeze time sometimes.  This is the season of my life that going to kids' activities is more important to me than going to a work event and rubbing shoulders with important people, and I'm done feeling guilty about that!

  • Prune out some of the unnecessary from your life.
​We all do a lot, and there's bound to be a few things that you can either stop doing all together or delegate to someone else.  I encourage you to check out this roles and responsibilities worksheet to help identify all the roles and responsibilities you have in your life and how you can cut back to give yourself some breathing room.

  • Add something to your life that is just for you.
This one seems counter-intuitive, but I highly recommend it.  When I was the busiest and most overwhelmed in my life is when I started this blog.  I needed an outlet that wasn't about my family or my work.  It was something that I could put on the back burner if I needed to without a lot of impact, but it was also something I could escape to if I wanted.  Find a hobby or develop a new skill.  It doesn't have to take lots of your time, but it can life changing!

Sources
Mihalich-Levin, Lori. “What Exactly IS Mom Guilt Anyway? A Clinical Psychotherapist Explains.” Mindful Return, 27 Feb. 2020, www.mindfulreturn.com/mom-guilt/.

​Photo by Manasvita S on Unsplash
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Create a Done List to Be More Productive

7/19/2020

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To be truly productive, it is almost imperative to have a master to-do list where you record everything you need to do and use it to prioritize your actions as you work toward completing tasks that will ultimately help you accomplish your goals.  Though I believe this is true, today I want to introduce a different concept that I think is almost as important to your personal productivity - a done list!  

A done list is just what it sounds like, a list of things you’ve completed.  There are a couple of options on how to create a done list, but before I tell you HOW, let me tell you WHY.  ​

Why a Done List?

1.  Develops Positive Emotions
Sometimes in the midst of all the items left undone on our to do list, it’s easy to forget all that was accomplished in a day.  At the end of the work day, the emotions we feel are directly related to the progress we made (or didn’t make.)

Dr. Teresa Amabile, a Harvard Business School professor and co-author of The Progress Principle found that when people recognized their small accomplishments, they experienced more positive emotions which in turn, encouraged future accomplishment.  In a Harvard Business Review article, she explained a study which analyzed 12,000 employees on a daily basis. ”On days when they made progress, our participants reported more positive emotions. They not only were in a more upbeat mood in general but also expressed more joy, warmth, and pride.” 

2. Creates Momentum

We tend to focus more on our failures than our successes, so keeping track of what we’ve accomplished can remind us of what we are capable of.  Organizational psychologist, Karl Weick says “Once a small win has been accomplished, forces are set in motion that favor another small win. When a solution is put in place, the next solvable problem often becomes more visible.”

Completing a task feels so much better than starting 10 tasks and not quite finishing any of them!  Every time you record something you’ve finished, you get a little hit of dopamine, a type of neurotransmitter in your body’s nervous system that plays a role in feeling pleasure.  It actually helps us focus and improves motivation.  So completing one item literally can increase our chances of completing the next one.
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​How to Create a Done List

1.  As you go
This is the method I most prefer.  I have a master task list for EVERYTHING I need to do, but on a daily basis, I choose the one thing I’m going to work on first, and I write the item down on a handwritten list.  When I’m done, I put a line through it and choose the next thing to begin.  I also use this list to record to-do’s that come to mind as I’m working on a task.  This helps me stay focused on what I’m doing and not spend mental energy remembering something for later.  As those items are completed, I mark a line through them.  At the end of the day, if there’s anything left that I didn’t get completed, I add it to my master to-to list. Then I review all the items that were marked off and revel in the sense of accomplishment!

2. After you’re done
When you complete a task, write it down (and put a big check mark by it if that makes you feel good!)  If you prefer paper, I would suggest a small notebook where you can keep these lists so you can look back and see all that you’ve accomplished.  If you use digital solutions, a simple spreadsheet or document can be an easy way to capture your completed tasks.

3. Within Your To Do List
If you don’t want the extra work of creating a separate done list, you could mark completed tasks with the date on your paper to-do list  If you use a digital task management system like Nozbe, completed tasks stay visible for the day they are completed so you can view your progress.  With either method, you have the benefit of being able to review the tasks you’ve completed on a certain day to give you satisfaction and a boost of momentum!

Sources 
Higgs, Micaela Marini. “How to Accept a Compliment - Even If It's From Yourself.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 4 Dec. 2018, www.nytimes.com/2018/12/04/smarter-living/how-to-accept-a-compliment.html.

Amabile and Steven J. Kramer, Teresa, and Steven J. Kramer. “The Power of Small Wins.” Harvard Business Review, 6 May 2020, hbr.org/2011/05/the-power-of-small-wins.

"Do vs. Done Lists: Jot Down Your Small Wins." Evernote, 12 April 2017, https://evernote.com/blog/do-vs-done-lists-jot-down-your-small-wins
​
"What is Dopamine?" WebMD 19 June 2019, .
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-dopamine#1

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash
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I'm Back!

7/14/2020

2 Comments

 
We are living in a historic time, and many of us are battling conflicting emotions that change multiple times a day.  We are in a situation we’ve never been in before nor has anyone ever been!  It’s a struggle to sort out the truth from the rhetoric, and a true balancing act between staying informed and becoming obsessed.  Our physical and our mental health seem like they are somethings being pitted against each other, and it's been difficult to lead a "regular" life over the past several months.
 
For me, part of my "regular" life for the past 3 years has been this blog, but I soon realized that it had been months since my last blog post.  When stay-at-home orders first hit, I was just busy with my day job in IT, so I skipped a couple of weeks.  Then I became envious of those I saw posting on social media about how they were embracing the “pause” in daily life.   My work life had not paused, and in fact I was working more hours with more stress than ever, and I still had to be a good boss, a supportive wife, an attentive parent, and even a teacher!  The only thing I felt that I could allow myself to “pause” was my blog - so I stopped writing.


About a month after my last blog post, I realized that not ONE person had noticed I hadn’t written or posted on social media, so I became discouraged wondering why I should even start up again.  I began to use any pockets of time that I could find to do other things I enjoyed like reading, working in the yard, learning to sew, going on walks with my husband, and spending bonus time with my kids.  ​
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I came to love being quarantined with my family.  I liked not having to share them with anyone and how having more forced time together took away the guilt of alone time.  I began to feel like time was slowing down - it was almost like freezing time that I wrote about a couple years ago.  Even though my day job went from crazy busy to sort of normal and back to frantic several times over the past 3 months, I had the ability to work from home during much of that time which was just plain good for my soul. I became more productive and more balanced.  I recognize that my family was very fortunate to avoid layoffs and have a comfortable home in which to ride out the quarantine time, and I felt guilty about being in that position when many others weren’t.

Even when I wanted to write, I didn’t know what to say.  Believe me, I had - and still have - lots of feelings about the pandemic, the economy, racism, protests, politics, etc.  But all of those topics can be very divisive, and I didn’t want to compound the issues by posting my opinions during such tumultuous times.  Then I felt more guilt for not sharing my heartfelt thoughts. 
"I want to teach them to acknowledge and learn from the past, see others' viewpoints, and develop empathy and understanding."

I see things through the lens of a parent, so as events continued to unfold over the past few months, I knew I had to explain them to my sons truthfully and in a way not to scare them but to educate and guide them.  I want to instill in them that threats to health and safety exist and that it’s not just about their chances of getting sick, but it’s about respecting and protecting their family, friends, and community.  I want to instill in them that all human life has the same value and, though injustice exists, it’s our personal responsibility to treat others kindly, respectfully, and equally.  I want to teach them by example that we have to speak up when we see or hear something that is not right, and getting angry isn’t wrong as long as we control that anger and funnel it in a productive way.  I want to teach them to acknowledge and learn from the past, see others’ viewpoints, and develop empathy and understanding.  ​
​

All of the heaviness of this spring weighed me down, and it became easier and easier to put off getting back to my blog.  I even thought about stopping all together, but a couple of weeks ago my high school best friend launched a new small business on Facebook (please check 4 Designs by Tara!)  I immediately wanted to help her be successful - and that’s when I remembered the energy I get from helping others achieve their goals.  THAT’S why I do this, because my passion is helping others succeed through identifying their goals and organizing themselves and their homes in a way that makes them productive.  So, I’m back - I’m done feeling guilty, insecure, lazy, and ashamed.  I’m back to chasing my passion which is helping you achieve yours!

I look forward to reconnecting with all of you!
What's Next?
I’m launching the next session of Achieve!, the group goal setting and accountability group for women, in mid-September with a 6 week session.  If you have a goal you need help achieving or even need help determining what your goal is, this small group, virtual program may be just what you need.  Learn more about the program here.  ​​ If you decide to sign up, use coupon code: EARLYBIRD  by 8/15/20 for your first week free!
Get More Info About Achieve!

Sources
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

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