Around the holidays, I always get the urge to purge!  Life gets so busy between Thanksgiving and Christmas around my house with school programs, parties, shopping, decorating, family gatherings, etc.  It seems extra difficult for me to stay on top of the regular tasks like laundry, dishes and clutter, so this is the time that having less stuff is really appealing.  Whenever this feeling strikes me, I take advantage and get out some trash bags and cardboard boxes!  ​

I like to do pre-holiday purging in the areas that I'm most likely to acquire new stuff.  The prime location to begin, kids' rooms!  It's ideal to involve your kids in this process, explaining that if they want to enjoy new toys or gifts, they have to make some room.  I like to give the kids 5 options on every item in their room:

1. Keep for everyday use
2. Keep as a keepsake
3. Give away to someone we know
4. Donate 
5. Trash

For me and my sons, it works best if I'm in the room with them, holding up each item, but if you have older kids, they may be able to do this process on their own.  Since there are 5 options, we use 5 containers - a combination of trash bags, boxes and storage bins.  To be very thorough, have your smallest child crawl under the bed or to the back of the closet to make sure you get everything!  I have found that option 2, keep as a keepsake, has helped reduce the time it takes to make a decision.  Kids are sure about the things they want to keep and get rid of, but there are some items in between.  Rather than force them to decide one way or the other, we keep a box of keepsakes in the basement.  Occasionally (but not as often as we should) we go through those keepsakes and purge  further.  I also throw in the option of giving away to someone we know because it's easier to get rid of a beloved toy if they know it's going to their younger cousin who will like it (and they may get to play with it at their house, too!) 

Just like I make my kids go through this process, I like to do it myself on my clothes, coats, jewelry, and shoes.  It works out well since this time of year usually aligns with when I do my clothing seasonal switch.  I also like to go through things like CDs, movies, craft supplies, and kitchen gadgets.  If you want to do some in-depth work on your kitchen, check out my video series, 7 Days to an Orderly Kitchen! 

I have a hard time getting rid of things that prove my kids are growing up - like kids' movies and music,  games for younger kids, coloring books, and even little spoons and cups.  This is where giving to someone I know comes in handy for me.  I can much more easily part with a Sonic the Hedgehog activity book, a plastic Spiderman plate and silverware set, or Veggie Tales DVDs when I know my nephews (and now niece!) or a friend's child will enjoy them.  

​In addition to purging, I love to use this time to get organized as well.  The key is to be realistic about how you use your spaces and to store items near where they are typically used.  Using the correct storage solutions is important.  For example, you don't want to stack bins on top of one another that you want to access often. Instead, consider a shelf with bins, hanging closet shelves, a set of drawers, or stacking bins with front access.   Make a list of what storage problems you have and then do a little organization browsing online or in person.  Select one area to focus on first and either purchase or re-purpose some organizing supplies for that area to be complete.  This will give you so much more satisfaction than getting one thing for each room.  You can slowly add to your collection of organizing supplies as time goes on.

On my last day of Thanksgiving vacation, I'm planning a fun filled day of purging!  So family and friends (you know who you are,) prepare yourself for being offered a bunch of stuff we no longer need!  I remember receiving lots of hand-me-down clothes and toys from others who had older kids, and even if I didn't keep everything, I always appreciated free stuff and knowing that someone else thought enough of us to pass down things they used to love.   Happy pre-holiday purging to all!

Anger (/ˈaNGɡər/)  - a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility.  I've never thought of myself as an angry person, but I've realized lately that 'strong feeling of annoyance' can begin to control me.  When I use so much of my energy either thinking about why I'm angry, talking about it, or trying to stuff it down so I'm not rude, I don't have much left for the things that really need to get done.  Anger also causes me to stop thinking clearly, so even if I had energy left, my quality of work would suffer.

I want to use my energy in a positive way to accomplish my goals efficiently.  So how do I stop the feelings of annoyance and anger that suck up so much of that energy and cloud my thinking?   ​

• Determine what is causing the feelings of frustration.

It's so easy to blame others, and though people or situations can be the reason we feel frustrated, no one can cause us to feel a certain way.  We all have the power to reframe our situations and change our outlook. Try as we might, there may still remain some frustration in certain environments, so if you can remove yourself from a situation or at least limit the amount of time you spend in it, this can help reduce future anger.   Can you delegate tasks, reschedule appointments, or even give up activities that are making you feel overwhelmed, annoyed, or angry?  Prepare yourself when you know you have to enter a difficult situation by making notes of what you want to say or do (or want to avoid saying or doing!) 

• ​Acknowledge the feelings, and control them instead of letting them control you

​​I like to be in control, and when I'm not, I feel upset.  When I let annoyance get the best of me, I get even more upset with myself for letting that happen.  It's ironic that a lack of control can cause anger, but yet anger begins to control me - what a vicious cycle!   What if you said in your head, "na-na na-na boo-boo you can't make me mad!"  and created a new identity for yourself as someone who is slow to anger?  When you do get angry (because you're not perfect), learn how to channel that energy in a positive way - a walk or a run, rocking out to some music, or doing something creative may help you push through the negativity while still accomplishing something.

• Go on the offensive against your anger.​  

My pastor recently suggested that gratitude may be the opposite of anger.  Gratitude is a belief that can be chosen despite how you feel.  Try practicing gratitude on a regular basis to counteract annoyance.​  A daily practice like discussing what we are grateful for around the dinner table or keeping a gratitude journal has been proven to ward off negativity and improve health and well-being.  Researcher, Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., has conducted multiple gratitude studies showing that gratitude increases happiness.  It's hard to stay angry while your happiness is increasing!

• ​Create a focus before you get frustrated!

Anger and frustration cloud our thinking, so if we don't already have a plan in place, it's going to be very difficult to formulate one with all those negative emotions swirling around.  That's why it's so important for us to plan ahead, keep an ongoing project and task list, and to create timelines and milestones for ourselves.   Brian Tracy, author of Eat That Frog!, says that "every minute spent in planning saves as many as ten minutes in execution."   I dare to speculate that if you were trying to execute while angry and hadn't planned beforehand, you would waste even more time!  If you have a system in place of where you capture your goals and related tasks, you may even be able to use some of your outstanding to-do's as a way to distract yourself from your emotions.  If you didn't already have tasks outlined or scheduled, it would be very difficult to make decisions on what needs to be done next in the midst of frustration.  Use digital tools like Nozbe, Trello, or Evernote to keep track of projects and tasks, or go the old school route and designate a special notebook for your to-do list.

Do you have other tips for keeping it together when you are dealing with a difficult situation or feeling angry?  Some readers may appreciate the tips heading into the holidays when stress levels and frustrations tend to run high!  Share with us in the comments.

Sources
Emmons, Robert A., and Michael E. Mccullough. “Counting Blessings versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratitude and Subjective Well-Being in Daily Life.” Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, vol. 84, no. 2, 2003, pp. 377–389., doi:10.1037//0022-3514.84.2.377.

​Tracy, Brian. “Plan Ahead and Increase Productivity.” Brian Tracy's Self Improvement & Professional Development Blog, Brian Tracy International, 22 Sept. 2017, www.briantracy.com/blog/time-management/plan-ahead-and-increase-productivity/.

As the holidays approach, I begin to think more about my Grandma who passed away on Thanksgiving Day 5 years ago.  She lived 98 years, and I had the privilege to know her for 32 of those.  Appropriately, earlier this week I saw a quote, "Be the things you loved most about the people who are gone," and it made me sad to think about three of my four grandparents who are gone.  But then I realized how fortunate I am to have had so many good examples in my life (including my other Grandma who I'm blessed to still have!)  What a great way to honor them by being the things I loved most about them!   

I have two Grandpas and one Grandma who are in heaven.  I don't know if there's anyway that they can look down on this world or not, but it's comforting to think that they might be.  I hope that if that's the case, they'd be proud to see their granddaughter living out the lessons they taught me.  One of my grandfathers died when I was only 9, but I have vivid memories and lessons learned from him just like I do my other grandpa who died when I was almost 30.  I've chosen three qualities from each of my grandparents that I want to display in my own life, and I'll start with my Grandma Lena who I had a very special bond with.

Grandpa Ralph (married to Grandma Lena)

• Fun and Adventure - He loved to travel, and liked to take a different route every time he went somewhere.  I was born when he was almost 71 years old, but even at that age, he played tag with me, taught me how to 'pump' on the swing in his back yard, and played games with me.  He was always singing and playing his harmonica or ukulele.   A few years ago, I decided I wanted to spend more time doing things that were fun to me - that included giving piano lessons and writing this blog and going on trips with my family.
• Kindness - He was the kindest man I've ever known.  As I said, I was only 9 when he died, but his kindness made a huge impression on me.  He treated me, even as a young girl, with respect.  Maybe that's why I've always talked to my kids more like they were adults than kids - I liked to be talked to and treated that way.  Grandpa had a gentle spirit and was the kind of person you wanted to be around.  That's probably why he was a good salesman and business owner.  I've recently discovered a little streak of sales in myself (I sell organizing supplies if you didn't know) and hearing my parents say I had a little of Grandpa Ralph in me made me beam!  
• Loving Marriage - My Grandpa was what I'd call madly in love with my Grandma.  From the time he was 18 and she was 13, he knew she was the one.  They didn't get married until he was 23 and she was 18, so they were married for 57 years before he passed away.  I've heard all sorts of funny stories how crazy he was about her, and it showed even when they were grandparents like when he called her 'Babe' or left her love notes.  It's wonderful to have seen a relationship that didn't get stale with age and know that's possible in a marriage. 

I'm a bit tear-stained as I write this because I miss them all so much, but it is nice to relive these memories and see how the things I loved so much about these pillars in my life still resonate in me today.  Were these people perfect? of course not, but in these few ways and many more that I don't have time to share, they provided me a framework for a really fulfilling life.  I want to apply these qualities to my life and I sincerely hope that some day my kids and future grandkids will remember some of these same types of things about my life that will help guide their future.  Take the time to list out the things you loved most about the people who are gone from your life, but certainly not forgotten.  It will make your heart feel very full!

Even though we got an extra hour of sleep this weekend, there’s still only 24 hours a day.  Sometimes it’s just so overwhelming to try to fit everything into our lives!   There are many resources out there for time management, but I wanted to share 5 simple tips that have helped me improve how I manage my time.

1.  Track your time
If you’re anything like me, you are so busy that you feel like writing down what you’re doing is just another task you don’t really have time for.  But, if you commit to just one week, 7 days, of writing down what you’re doing in 15 minute increments, you will be amazed to see how much you actually accomplish in a day’s time!  If you’re really honest when you track your time, you will see more wasted time than you like, but you’ll also see how much time of your life is spent doing things you can’t NOT do – eating, sleeping, grooming.  When you know what time you have left after those kinds of non-negotiables, you will automatically feel more in control and more motivated not to waste those remaining hours.  Take the time to track your time!  Download this free printable to track your time this week.  It’s broken up into 4, 6 hour sections, so you can visually see how much of your time is really spent during the overnight hours (hopefully sleeping), morning, afternoon and evening/night.  You’ll be amazed how many hours are already spoken for, so that’s what makes being productive in those remaining hours so important!

2.  Time yourself
Once you’ve finished a week’s worth of time tracking, you will see patterns in your days.  There are things you do every day.  Some of those repetitive tasks will occur at the same time each day, but others could be mixed throughout your day.  In your time tracking phase, you were only recording in 15 minute increments, so you didn’t find out how much time it actually took you to empty the dishwasher or take a shower or drop off the kids at school.  Identify the things you do at least 3 times/week and then get your timer out!  Time yourself doing each of those tasks.  Don’t rush to beat the clock – just do them as you normally would and then keep a log of the tasks and the times they take.  If you want to be really scientific, do the tasks multiple times and then take an average time.  There are lots of time tracking apps out there - one free one I've used is Toggl.  What you can gain by timing yourself is a realistic expectation of what you can accomplish in a certain time-frame and the ability to insert quick tasks into random time openings in your day.  Have 10 minutes before you need to get in the car – well, now I know it only takes 6 minutes to empty the dishwasher – why not? ​

3.  Prioritize
Now that you know what you do, and how long those things take, you can now really prioritize.  Once those things are you’ll need to do a big bad brain dump!  Get out pen a paper or try the sticky note mind mapping that I tried in “Confessions of a List Maker.”  After everything is out of your head, begin categorizing all of the to-dos.  Don’t get hung up on your system, your goal is to have a master list of all of the things you will want to plug into the open slots in your days.  Last week’s post talked about how to figure out what to do next – take a few minutes to read that post.  If you set a focus for the year and related goals, take a look back at those to make sure the items that are on your list help you get where you wanted to go.  Now, review your list again and get rid of some things!  There are many things we think we need to do, that can either be done by someone else or just not done at all.  Ask yourself what would happen if you didn’t do X?  If you can live with the answer, cross it off!  Now prioritize what remains within each category so you have a next action for every category of your life.  Remember this process can be done on paper or in your favorite digital tool.

4.  Plan
Finally it’s time to put it all together.  First take a blank time tracker and plug in all of those everyday must dos for tomorrow– include everything that you have to do from meal prep to kid drop off to brushing your teeth – you now know exactly how much time each of those take.  Now take a look at your prioritized lists and choose what you’re going to fill in the blanks with.  Remember the importance of margin.  You can’t really make back to back meetings work.  What if you need to walk or drive to the meeting or even just take a bathroom break?  That means you’d have to leave one meeting early or arrive at the next meeting late.  Instead of booking yourself solid, give yourself some leeway.  I like to see at least 10 minutes between appointments.  If you have a task that you haven’t or couldn’t time, give your best estimate BUT add 25% to that estimate.  The worst thing that will happen is you finish early and you plug in another task (maybe one that you previously timed so you know that you can absolutely run to the pharmacy and back in 20 minutes.)  Fill up every box in your day’s time tracker even if those boxes say “rest” or “watch TV” or “family time.”  If you give purpose to each slot of your day, you are less likely to squander your time.

5.  Take shortcuts
Always be looking for ways to be more efficient!  Are there things that you can do in the background while you are doing other tasks? – like watching your favorite TV show while you fold laundry.  Be wary of attempting to truly multi-task because that usually leads to poor quality or longer efforts.  Read about the benefits of single tasking in a previous post.  Are there things that you just don’t need to do or can replace with something easier or quicker?  For instance, I believe with my whole heart that a damp  dishrag thrown in the dryer with a wrinkly shirt while I shower is much more efficient than ironing!  Do you really need to re-pot the flowers or is the plastic one they came in just as worthy of the position on your front steps?  Sometimes shortcuts do mean lowering our expectations – I’ve become pretty good at that – but others are just a smarter way of doing things.  Remember to enlist your family and/or be willing to pay for services that help save you time.     

I'd love to hear from you if you try these 5 steps and learn how they worked for you!  Please comment below or email me at info@mylifeinorder.com  If you want to read more about time management, one of my favorite authors who writes on the topic is Laura Vanderkam.  I read (and thoroughly enjoyed), I Know How She Does It: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time and have her latest book, Off the Clock:  Feel Less Busy While Getting More Done, on my bookshelf ready to read!