Only today when I was thinking about the parallels between putting on your own oxygen mask first and the importance of self-care did it hit me that I need to make myself some masks!  I'm the one in the family that spends the most time away from the house due to my job, but yet, everyone else has more masks than me.   Once I have enough masks, I will feel more secure, less frustrated and spend less time laundering my small supply of masks.  

There are selfish people in this world, but many of us think of others before ourselves.   It's time to begin looking at self-care as a way to help others.  Perimeter Health Care in Georgia explains on their website that, "Self-care encourages you to maintain a healthy relationship with yourself so that you can transmit the good feelings to others. You cannot give to others what you don't have yourself."

Consider these easy ways to care for yourself:

• Get enough sleep
• Take time to prepare healthy food
• Engage your mind through reading or taking a class
• Enrich your life through creative pursuits such as art or music
• Move your body to improve energy and health
• Connect with friends and develop relationships
• Participate in religious or spiritual services or activities
• Relax so you can recharge your batteries!

Even though the metaphor of oxygen masks meant actual masks in my life, it can mean anything in yours.  Choose at least one way to care for yourself this week because if you continue to give to others without caring for yourself, the less you are going to have to give.  Put your mask on first!

I don't want you to feel discouraged though, because I have a few suggestions for you!  
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• Lower your own expectations

I've written about this one before, so I'm just going to link you to that post.  Give yourself the grace you'd give anyone else!

• Don't keep to do's in your head

You're a busy person so don't waste any of the energy you have to spend on remembering things.  Keep a master to do list.  Use paper or digital, it doesn't matter.  Just develop your own system of capturing all the things in your head so you can use your brain for doing the stuff and not just remembering it!

• Recognize seasons of your life and move your focus to where it needs to be during that time.

As I said above, my kids are still young, and it's going too fast.  I want to freeze time sometimes.  This is the season of my life that going to kids' activities is more important to me than going to a work event and rubbing shoulders with important people, and I'm done feeling guilty about that!

• Prune out some of the unnecessary from your life.

​We all do a lot, and there's bound to be a few things that you can either stop doing all together or delegate to someone else.  I encourage you to check out this roles and responsibilities worksheet to help identify all the roles and responsibilities you have in your life and how you can cut back to give yourself some breathing room.

• Add something to your life that is just for you.

This one seems counter-intuitive, but I highly recommend it.  When I was the busiest and most overwhelmed in my life is when I started this blog.  I needed an outlet that wasn't about my family or my work.  It was something that I could put on the back burner if I needed to without a lot of impact, but it was also something I could escape to if I wanted.  Find a hobby or develop a new skill.  It doesn't have to take lots of your time, but it can life changing!

Many of you may have begun working from home in the past couple of weeks and may be doing so for the foreseeable future.  If you've never worked at home before, it can be a big change and a big challenge!  I've heard from some of you that you are struggling in various ways — from staying focused on your work to not letting your working hours bleed into your personal time.  I have worked from home on and off for years, so I wanted to share with you some tips that may help you be more productive at work, more comfortable when you are working, and give you the ability to separate work and home life.

You may think working from home means you get to roll out of bed and go straight to your laptop in pajamas and bedhead, but I suggest you actually get ready for work similar to how you would if you were going into the office.  Depending if you are required to video chat or not may determine how much time you spend on your appearance, but at least do the following:

• Shower - Sometimes I prefer to do this at night to allow me to sleep in a little bit more.
• Get dressed - Though you probably won't be meeting dress code and should wear something comfortable, at least change into something clean and presentable in case you do need to get on a video chat!  
• Fix your hair - You don't have to look like you just left the salon, but at least run a brush through it!
• Put on some makeup - If you don't normally wear makeup, you get to skip this step.  For me, if I don't put on some eyebrow color and eyeliner, I look like I'm sleepy or sick, so a tiny bit of makeup actually helps me feel more alert.
• Brush your teeth - I feel like this should go without saying, but I know my kids feel like this is optional when they don't leave the house!
• Eat breakfast - You don't need to cook a gourmet meal, but at least eat the same thing you would before or on your way to work.  This will prevent you from taking extra snack breaks later that could impact your productivity

Get up early enough to get these things done before you're supposed to be logged on and ready to work.  Over the past couple of weeks, circumstances were extraordinary and there were days that I got woken up with issues at my day job that continued all day so that I never had the time to do these basic things.  I felt out of sorts and out of control all day long!  I'm a true believer that how you look impacts how you feel (so much that I wrote an entire post about it!)  Set yourself up for success by being awake and ready to face the workday — even if you're just walking to another room in your house!

You are likely sharing your house with at least one other work-from-home employee and maybe a couple of e-learners, so having your own work space is very important. In the past when I've worked from home, I've been alone all day while my husband was at his job and my kids were at school which allowed me to camp out wherever I wanted.  No matter which room I was in, I was alone and able to avoid distractions, but now there are people everywhere in my house!

Depending on the size and layout of your house, it may be tricky to find your own space, but get creative.  You can work at a desk, a kitchen or dining table, a counter, a card table, or even a few TV trays.   If you are using a portable table, you can set it up anywhere — in the back of the living room, a bedroom, a walk-in closet, basement rec room, mud room, etc.  Try to find somewhere quiet, preferably where you can shut a door, or at least create some separation between you and the other members of your family when needed.  Try to avoid working from your couch or in your bed — you may be laughing, but it can be tempting! 

If at all possible set up your work space and leave it set up until your work-from-home days are over.  The less time you have to spend hooking up equipment, finding your work files, and clearing off a space the better.  I have my work space set up in our mudroom/craft room.  I've got my extra monitor and my laptop all hooked up and plugged in, my headset nearby, a clear surface for a notepad, and a cup of writing utensils within arm's reach.   When I'm done for the day, I just shut down my laptop and close the lid.  When it's time to work again, it only takes a few seconds to get up and running again.
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Some find it difficult to stay on task at home because there are so many other things you could be (or want to be) doing like laundry, dishes....or watching TV!  Make sure you have all the tools you need to be productive in your work space so you can more easily keep work and home separate and avoid getting distracted.  For example, keep a notebook specifically for work near your computer so that aren't making work notes on your grocery list.  

Be diligent about daily task lists, but keep work and home lists separate.  I've suggested various task management and to-do list options in past posts, so pick your favorite and stick to it! (Trello, Nozbe, Evernote are all options you may want to look into) Try keeping a running list of "home" tasks that come to mind while you are "at work."  Give yourself permission to jot the idea or task that comes to mind down when you think of it on a special notepad or add it to an electronic list so you don't waste any of your energy on trying to remember it later.  When you know you won't forget, you're less likely to actually get up and do the household task right then.

Make sure you have a comfortable chair, a keyboard and mouse that work well, and have your monitor(s) set up in a way that doesn't cause you to strain your neck or eyes.  The more comfortable you are, the more productive you will be.  Invest in a headset — even an inexpensive pair of ear buds with a microphone will make talking on the phone while working remotely much easier!   Finally, don't forget to drink plenty of water!  I'm great about having water with me at work, but I've found at home, it's something I tend to forget.  Staying hydrated can prevent headaches and help you stay focused.
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When you go into the office, you have certain times that you typically work.  Do your best to stick to those same hours at home.  At work you likely take a few breaks and a lunch break every day, so do the same at home, and try to take those breaks away from your work space.  Some of the great benefits of working at home is that you can take breaks with your family, get some housework done, or even take a nap in your own bed!  Remember that just because your fridge and pantry are a room away doesn't mean that you should snack more than you do on a typical workday.

Many who have never worked at home fear that the lack of boundaries between work and home will cause them to feel like they never stop working. In my day job, I'm always on call, so I have learned the hard way some strategies to try to keep work and personal time separate.   A few things that help me draw that line when I work from home are:

• Let your work team know when you are on a break or unavailable.  Set an expectation when you will be on and offline.
• In the same way, let your home "team" know when you are working and need privacy, and when they can expect you to be done for the day.
• If your home work space allows, close the door when you are working to signal to your family that you should not be bothered.  
• Give your family a heads up on what times of the day you need extra quiet for phone or video conferences.
• Most corporate phone systems allow you to change your status for phone calls and instant messages so people receive a message when you have marked yourself out of office or busy.  Be diligent to use this feature so your status can be trusted.
• If you are using a laptop, physically close the lid when you are on a break.
• Clear your desk of notes, papers and clutter and shut your computer down at the end of your work day.  This is a signal to yourself that work is done, and makes it inconvenient to start working again until the next day.

​I wish you well as you are navigating these unprecedented times of remote work.  I suspect there will be an increase in productivity for some when they get the opportunity to try working from home.  I think it will be very interesting what happens to remote work once the current situation has passed and some employers realize how well workers fared working off site.   I'd love to hear tips you've come up with to remain productive while you've been working from home.  

When I decided to stop longing for order and do something about it, I wanted to get the biggest gain for the least amount of effort.  Was there a magic formula out there to give me more time with my kids, declutter my house, purge my junk, create creative storage systems, track my spending, file my paperwork, and curate my memorabilia? I read productivity books and listened to organization podcasts looking for the answer.  The answer was....no.  There are certainly many, many tools to use and frameworks to help us, but all of them have one thing in common -  You have to DO the work!

Before I was ready to actually do anything, I needed to decide what it was I wanted to accomplish.  I knew I wanted to get rid of the sense of dread I felt at the thought of some tasks in my life, I knew I wanted to spend less of my time cleaning my house, I knew I wanted to stop losing things, I knew I wanted more time with my kids and husband, I knew I wanted more of the feeling I had when I walked into someone else’s house that smelled good and had no clutter, I knew I wanted to feel in control of my finances, I knew I wanted a wardrobe of clothes that I liked and fit me.  That’s all - - not too much to ask, right?  Just that list in and of itself was overwhelming - where in the world would I start?

I consider the beginning of my journey to be when I sought wise council.  I did this through working with a coach.  Coaching was fantastic - I could just spew out all my frustrations, my fears and my shortcomings, and I learned about tools that I could apply in my own life.  The biggest two takeaways from that experience were:
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1. Don’t expect more from myself than I expect of others
2. Set boundaries and stick to them.

Boom, mic drop - I realized I was drowning in my own pool of expectations.  I had asked myself, “Why can’t I do it all?  Why can’t I work full time, commute 2 hours/day, keep a clean and orderly house, maintain a garden and flowers, be an involved and loving parent, a dependable volunteer, an active church member, a caring friend, a helpful daughter, a loving wife, remember to schedule and go to regular health care appointments for everyone in my family, arrange childcare and transportation for two kids, manage the family budget, maintain elaborate scrapbooks of all our family activities, plan said activities and vacations, read enriching books, keep up with a hobby, stay informed about current events, and assure that I had time for myself?”  Why couldn’t I do all of those things??  Because it was IMPOSSIBLE for one human being to do all of those things to the level that I expected them to be done.  I had to have help, and I had to be realistic with my time and set boundaries.  Coming to that realization was life changing.  I sincerely want you to come to that same realization.  You are not a failure.

If you’re like me, you can focus on a fraction of things you’re responsible for and do them REALLY well, but then the other areas of your life suffer.  I would go on like that until the areas I wasn’t paying attention to were in real danger of being destroyed, and then I’d switch my focus - and it would cycle like that over and over again.  It was exhausting.  Eventually I learned to prune my responsibilities down to what really mattered to me and lower my own standards so that I didn’t leave any area of my life in total disarray.

I started with the hard part - the head and heart part  What matters most to me?  How do I get there?  What/who can or should I eliminate from my life that is keeping me from what matters most?  Where can I afford to lower expectations in my life?  Once I got through that, I started thinking functionally.  What could I do in my everyday life that would make me feel more ‘in order’?  The answer to these questions are multi-faceted and broad and what inspired me to start this blog.  I look forward to sharing some of these changes I made in my life with you in future posts.  I'd love to hear your experiences about making changes that helped you feel more in control of your life - share in the comments or email me at info@mylifeinorder.com.

Sources:
Photo by Micheile Henderson on Unsplash

I've always wished I were more creative.  I have this intellectual understanding of creativity, and if there were a formula for it - I’d be all over it!  I took piano lessons from the ages of 6 to 17.  I got pretty good - played at church, accompanied the school choir, won a couple of awards, played for a few weddings, and even taught lessons.  I never felt like a true musician, though.  I understand the mechanics and the mathematics of music, I appreciate the beauty, and enjoy playing.  But what I can’t do is play by ear or improvise -- and man, do I wish I could!  I like to create, but it’s a task for me, not something that just comes naturally.

If this rings true for you, too, don’t despair! Regardless of your level of creativity or craftiness, it’s still fun to create something yourself, even if it isn’t a concerto or a Pinterest-worthy craft.  It’s also rewarding to create something that adds value to your life by providing beauty or, even better, order!  I like to think of a problem I have keeping things in order and then brainstorm ways to solve that problem.  If solutions include something that someone else has already made, and it’s affordable, honestly, I’d just buy it.  There have been a few problems I’ve encountered, though, that I couldn’t find a solution for anywhere.  So I thought through what the ideal scenario would be and then planned out how I could put items together to solve that problem.

Here are two  crafty solutions I’ve used to get my life and home in order:

​ Family Coasters

Problem:  My family used way too many cups every day!  No one knew where they’d left their cup, and if they happened to find it, they weren’t so sure it was really theirs.  This resulted in getting out new ones over and over until there were cups all over the place.  This caused clutter, lots of dishes, and just plain annoyed me.  

Solution:  A place for each family member to park their cup for the entire day that was marked with their name so they always knew where their drink was.

Process:  I’d seen projects for this sort of thing online years earlier, but when I searched for something to buy, I didn’t have any luck.  I started by putting sticky notes with each family member’s name on the counter and placing the glasses behind them.  It sort of helped, but the notes got all wet with the sweat off the glasses, and they weren’t all that cute either.

I considered trying to craft some sort of rectangular tray contraption out of wood, but thought better of it. I searched for a plastic tray of the right size, but just couldn’t find what I wanted.  So instead, I happened to see a 4 pack of rope coasters one day when I was at the store.   I used a fabric marker to write a name on each coaster.  Then I used sticky tac to adhere each coaster to the end of the kitchen island counter.  We still have the occasional rogue glass, but it’s such an improvement!  I think it works because it’s simple and straightforward.  My husband doesn’t mind it because it doesn’t take up a lot of room and isn’t too decorative or “foofy,” and my kids can handle it because there’s a clear expectation of where to put their cup.

 Be Present Box

Problem:   I was struggling with the boundary definition of order.  My job requires me to be available 24/7, so I have an iPhone that I check my email on constantly.  It was becoming an addiction.  I have a one hour commute each way, so I’d clear my inbox of unread messages before leaving work and when I walked in the door at home, before I’d even say hi and hug my family (or sometimes even in the garage before walking in the door) I’d check email again to make sure nothing monumental had occurred in the previous 60 minutes.  Then, throughout the evening, I’d check email - deleting and flagging them to do it in a productive manner, of course.  When I heard my son tell me it was my turn in UNO because I was mesmerized by a screen instead of paying attention to him - well, let’s say, I did NOT feel like a stellar mom.  I realized it didn’t matter how many hands of UNO I played or how many minutes I spent outside while my kids jumped on the trampoline, it mattered that I was actually present for these experiences.  

Solution:  I typed a note in my Reminders app on my iPhone: IDEA - Make something to put my phone in that says, “be present.”  It sat in the list of reminders for weeks, but finally on a trip to the store, I picked up the needed supplies to make this idea a reality.

Process: I purchased a paper mache oval box that my iPhone 6 would fit in and a package of lowercase small wooden letters.  I had some scrapbook paper and paint at home and made my own version of modge podge.  
 
I explained to my then-5 year old that he was going to help me make a box to put my phone in after work so I would spend more with him and his brother.  He chose the scrapbook paper and helped me trace and cut it for the outside of the box and the top and edges of the lid.  He helped me mix the ½ cup Elmer’s glue and ¼ cup water that we used to adhere the paper to the box.  Then we painted over the paper with more of the glue concoction.   He chose the color and helped paint the letters of the words “be present.”  It was special to me to do this craft with my son knowing that it was intended to make a difference that he could see.

Now this box sits on my counter (next to my coasters) and after work, or at any time I’m home with the kids when they are counting on me being present, I put my phone in the box and put the lid on.  On the first night I tried this, my mom called and had to leave a voicemail because I didn’t hear it.  I got nervous that I might miss something that was really important, so I decided to get a bluetooth speaker to pair with it so I could hear texts or calls.  (When I got my FitBit Charge 2, I set notifications so I felt a vibration on my wrist instead.)  I’ve already turned off all notifications for email and social media so those will not make any noise to distract me.  Just having the phone out of reach so I don’t unconsciously pick it up to check my email or scroll through Facebook has made a major difference in my evenings with my children.

Recently, I heard my oldest son explaining what the box was to say to his friend who was visiting,  “This is the box my mom puts her phone in when she gets home so she pays more attention to us.”  It’s sad I had to make a box to accomplish this, but the end result is what matters to me.  

Do you have any other crafty ideas that keep your life or house in order?  Share them with us in the comments!

We’ve already established that order can mean doing things in sequential or chronological order, but another way to define it is what most people think of when they think of organization - - arranging items within boundaries.  

This type of order is often applied to physical stuff which can be corralled by bins, containers, and dividers – oh my! In my house, the perfect example of how arranging items within boundaries creates order is with my husband’s T-shirts.  There are so many of them - “good” T-shirts, work shirts, white undershirts, and even long-sleeved T-shirts.  

Imagine a guy’s frustration when he can’t find his favorite “good” T-shirt.  To make it easy to find the shirt he wants, we first have to separate the “good” T-shirts from the work T-shirts, which for whatever reason (likely my below average housekeeping skills which I’ll write about later) seem never to smell quite as fresh as I’d like no matter how much hot water, tough detergent, or fabric softener sheets with pictures of sweet smelling things on the box that I use. Then, we hang up the "good" ones – yep, T-shirts on hangers – that’s how fancy we are.  

Those perpetually smelly work shirts all go together in one drawer so they are contained.  When the drawer begins to overflow, he purges them. When he does get rid of some shirts, he can actually find the T-shirt he wants to wear without having to pull all of the shirts out.  A jam-packed drawer also results in wrinkles – and really, who likes a wrinkly work shirt?

White undershirts are a staple for my husband so they tend to get dingy fairly often.  Since their home is in only half of the middle dresser drawer, before buying new, we have to throw out the old. Lastly, he has long sleeved T-shirts, which are kept up high in a bin on the top shelf in the closet of our bathroom because they are rarely used.  Only a few fit in the bin, and his favorites are on top, that way if we get a new one, the obvious choice is to get rid of the one on the bottom.

​We can arrange all sorts of things in our homes the same way we organize these T-shirts – define a place and amount of space for items, group like items together in locations that are near where you most frequently use them, and when the pre-determined amount of space fills up – purge so you can keep your stuff contained and can easily find what you’re looking for.  I’ll have many ideas for this kind of thing in future posts, but what I want you to think about now is how applying these principles to your mental health and relationships is so very similar and meaningful.

​My Grandpa Pete, the wisest man I’ve ever known, often said, “Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day, it’s just how you use them.”  Time is a natural boundary, but we often try to force too much in that finite space.  We should purge our metaphorical T-shirts to keep from wrinkling the ones we actually want to wear and make it easy to access the really important ones.

Setting up boundaries to protect our relationships is perhaps one of the most difficult things I’ve encountered in recent years.  In their book, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No - To Take Control of Your Life, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend wisely said, “In addition to showing us what we are responsible for, boundaries help us to define what is not on our property and what we are not responsible for.  We are not, for example, responsible for other people.”  

I felt that by placing a boundary, I was making one area or person suffer by giving another priority.  This may be a little bit true, but the trick is being ok with that and realizing that there are relationships that take precedence over other areas of our lives and that I’m not responsible for others’ reactions to the boundaries I set.    You only have so much storage space, so you must purge your life of what’s stained and smelly to allow room for the things you love the most.

Sources
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Cloud, Henry and John Townsend. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No - To Take Control of Your Life. Michigan: Zondervan, 1992. Print.