Put Your Mask on First
If you've ever flown, you've heard the airline safety demonstration about putting your own oxygen mask on before helping others if the cabin pressure were to drop in the plane. Fortunately, I've never had to make the decision between myself or my child getting an oxygen mask first, but I think my instinct (like many parents) would be to help my child first. When I think about it intellectually, I understand that hypoxia, or a deficiency in the amount of oxygen reaching the brain, can cause many issues including confusion to the point of being unable to help others or even yourself. In the moment, though, it's hard to think intellectually, and that's why flight attendants remind us every time we fly!
In the same way that prioritizing our own oxygen supply is critical for saving the lives of those around us in a hypothetical plane crash, it is necessary to prioritize caring for yourself so that you can better care for your loved ones. Self-care can mean different things to different people from a massage to an hour alone to reading a book. Self-care can sometimes feel like an indulgence that we shouldn't desire when, in fact, it's something we should not ignore.
In his article, Dr. Matthew Glowiak from Southern New Hampshire University said, "In a society in which people are expected to work long hours and pass on vacation days, there is an underlying belief that we must always be productive – which can ultimately take away from opportunities for self-care. But by taking some time out to engage in self-care, you may relieve the pressures of everyday life and reset yourself to get back to a healthy point where productivity is once again maximized."
As I was researching for this post, something so obvious began to emerge from my own experience. These days when I hear the word mask, I don't think of oxygen masks on a plane, but instead I think of the homemade cloth masks that I've made over the past several months to help protect my family and those around us from the COVID-19 pandemic. Very early on in the first lock down, I purchased a basic sewing machine. I had to have my 7th grader teach me how to use it since he'd recently taken Family and Consumer Sciences in school. I remember scavenging for old t-shirts and scrap fabric that I could use to make masks. This was back when you couldn't find pre-made cloth masks and the disposable ones had all been bought up. Because of my lack of sewing skills, it took me hours to make just one mask, but I made enough for my whole family (in the event that we'd actually leave the house!)
Over time and with practice, my sewing skills and access to fabric and thread improved enough that I was able to begin making more masks. I made masks for my husband, two sons, some friends, and then more for the kids. I was wearing and washing, wearing and washing the three masks I had (two made for me by a friend and one that I'd made myself.) I bought fabric to make myself more, but whenever I got the sewing machine out, I ended up making masks for other people and put my own masks at the bottom of the priority list.
Only today when I was thinking about the parallels between putting on your own oxygen mask first and the importance of self-care did it hit me that I need to make myself some masks! I'm the one in the family that spends the most time away from the house due to my job, but yet, everyone else has more masks than me. Once I have enough masks, I will feel more secure, less frustrated and spend less time laundering my small supply of masks.
There are selfish people in this world, but many of us think of others before ourselves. It's time to begin looking at self-care as a way to help others. Perimeter Health Care in Georgia explains on their website that, "Self-care encourages you to maintain a healthy relationship with yourself so that you can transmit the good feelings to others. You cannot give to others what you don't have yourself."
Consider these easy ways to care for yourself:
Even though the metaphor of oxygen masks meant actual masks in my life, it can mean anything in yours. Choose at least one way to care for yourself this week because if you continue to give to others without caring for yourself, the less you are going to have to give. Put your mask on first!
Glowiak, Matthew. “What Is Self-Care and Why Is It Important For You?” Southern New Hampshire University, 14 Apr. 2020, www.snhu.edu/about-us/newsroom/2020/04/what-is-self-care.
Coffey, Helen. “Hypoxia Definition - Why Adults SHOULD Do Their Oxygen Mask BEFORE a Child's on a Flight.” Express.co.uk, Express.co.uk, 24 Jan. 2017, www.express.co.uk/travel/articles/758140/hypoxia-definition-flight-mask.
“The Importance of Self-Care.” Perimeter Healthcare, 2020, www.perimeterhealthcare.com/about/news/the-importance-of-self-care/.
Keep Your Hobbies Fun
The definition of a hobby is, "an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation." Hobbies can range from photography to gardening to playing an instrument to needlepoint to starting a blog. Most of us have at least one, and if you don't - well, you should!
You probably fill several roles - employee, parent, child, volunteer and the list goes on and on. In a previous post I wrote about the busy badge many people have awarded themselves that sometimes provides an excuse not to engage in a hobby. In the last twenty years, there has been a decline in adult participation in hobbies, and I don't think it's any coincidence that in that time frame the popularity of social media has increased exponentially. Today, we waste much more time scrolling than it would take to learn a new skill.
You may think that being engaged with your career is more important than a hobby, but science suggests the two are not mutually exclusive. A study in the Journal of Occupational Health and Organizational Psychology studied hundreds of employees and found those with a hobby outside of work were more creative in work-related projects, had a better attitude, and were less likely to suffer from burnout.
What about the time and attention your kids deserve? Not to worry, your hobbies don't need to wait - just involve the kids in some of them. Licensed and Independent Clinical Social Worker, Alison Ratner Mayer, explains that hobbies are a wonderful way to bond with your child. "There is a special magic that happens between a parent and a child when they share a mutually beloved activity. "
Hobbies can actually improve productivity! In 1955, Cyril Northcote Parksinson, a British historian wrote an article in The Economist that began with the sentence, "It is a commonplace observation that work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion." Today we refer to this as Parkinson's Law. The more time you have available to get something done, the longer it takes to complete. Having a hobby gives you something to do at either a set time (like get to your bowling league) or something to look forward to (like getting out your sewing machine.) You still have other responsibilities, but because you have a hobby to get to, you aren't as likely to stretch those tasks out.
"...work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion."
A Psychology Today article explains that in addition to all of the benefits we've already talked about, hobbies can help you create new social connections, make you more interesting and help you cope with stress. Research has shown that those who spent leisure time engaging in a hobby displayed lower blood pressure, total cortisol, waist circumference, and body mass index. They also had lower levels of depression. An article from Verywell Mind, a mental health resource partner of the Cleveland Clinic, states that part of the reason for this may be that "hobbies provide a slice of work-free and responsibility-free time in your schedule. This can be especially welcome for people who feel overwhelmed by all that they have to do and need to recharge their batteries by doing something they enjoy."
After all of the reasons I've shared so far, I think you probably agree hobbies are a good thing, but what I have struggled with is how to keep them fun so they provide all of the great benefits we've discussed. One reason I have failed to carve out time for hobbies in the past is when they were inconvenient. I like to sew, but I had all of my sewing stuff in a hard to reach spot, and anytime I wanted to sew, I'd have to nearly do a back-bend to get everything out. I recently up-cycled an old metal cart that I've had since I got married in 2002! It used to hold laundry supplies between an old washer and dryer, and then spent years in the garage holding spray paint. After some scrubbing, it became eligible for my new sewing supplies cart. It tucks nicely under my counter in my craft area and is light weight so I can move it around easily. Now because I don't dread getting everything set up to sew, I'm much more likely to do it!
I struggled to continue with some hobbies when they turned into more of a requirement than an outlet. This blog is a great example. I started this as a hobby and for fun. I like to write, I like to organize and become more productive, so this made sense. Soon, I felt like it was taking too much of my time, and it started to feel like work because my standards were to high. I finally gave myself permission not to be the absolute best blogger or side-hustler and reminded myself that it was a hobby and hobbies are supposed to be FUN! Once I started looking at it through that lens, it again became enjoyable.
Lastly, I used to feel like hobbies were selfish. A couple years ago, I changed my mind about that when my husband and I joined a bowling league. Now we have a shared hobby (complete with our own bowling balls and shoes!) We even go on bowling dates (as my kids call them) to practice. It's only a few hours every other week, but it's a shared experience and guaranteed time together. I also like to play the piano, and this is one that I've been able to share with my kids through teaching them to play. It gives me a lot of joy to be able to share something I enjoy with them.
What about you - do you have a hobby that you want to make more fun? Try making it more convenient, lowering your standards a bit, or sharing it with someone in your family! Hobbies are an important outlet and you owe it to yourself to have one - and to enjoy it!
“Definition of Hobby.” Dictionary.com, Dictionary.com, 2020, www.dictionary.com/browse/hobby?s=t.
Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash
Kurtz, Jaime. “Six Reasons to Get a Hobby.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 15 Sept. 2015, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happy-trails/201509/six-reasons-get-hobby.
Eschleman, Kevin J., et al. “Benefiting from Creative Activity: The Positive Relationships between Creative Activity, Recovery Experiences, and Performance‐Related Outcomes.” Wiley Online Library, John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, 17 Apr. 2014, onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/joop.12064.
Parkinson, C Northcorte. “Parkinson's Law.” The Economist, The Economist Newspaper, 1955, www.economist.com/news/1955/11/19/parkinsons-law.
Elizabeth Scott, MS. “The Importance of Hobbies for Stress Relief.” Verywell Mind, 14 Sept. 2020, www.verywellmind.com/the-importance-of-hobbies-for-stress-relief-3144574.
Mayer, Alison Ratner. “The Benefits of Sharing a Hobby With Your Child.” Child Therapy Boston, 16 July 2017, childtherapyinboston.com/2017/07/16/the-benefits-of-sharing-a-hobby-with-your-child/.
Photo by Darling Arias on Unsplash
There have been many times throughout my career that I've thought, "If I didn't have kids, I'd be a rock star at my job," or "If my kids were older, I'd have more time to devote to my work," or "If I were single, I could be married to my job." And then I'd snap back to reality and realize I AM a wife, I AM a mom, and my kids ARE young - and I'm SO HAPPY about those facts! Those facts are what make me a whole person are the areas of my life that I love the most.
So why is it I feel like when I embrace my role as a wife and mom, that I can't be amazing in a professional role, too? The reason is simple - because I can't be incredible at everything at the same time - no one can. I can be laser focused at work, but them my home life suffers, or I can be all in all the time at home, and my work life suffers. It's a conundrum that I think all working parents face. It's a big source of what you often hear called "mommy guilt." Working moms tend to try to just DO more to make up for the fact they are away from their families at a job during many hours of the day, but this can lead to over-working and over-scheduling. In an interview with clinical psychologist, Nicole Grocki about this topic, the Mindful Return website explained, "Here we’re grappling with the mom’s belief that if a mom does more, and ignores the guilt, the better she will feel. But this behavior can lead to burnout and becoming physically unwell."
I, like many, turned to productivity to help me figure out the secret formula (spoiler alert - there isn't one!) I wanted to do all the things, be great in all areas, and appear like it was easy. When I dove in, I realized that one of the biggest secrets to productivity is not to do it all, but to do the right things. No matter how productive you are, you can not do it all. A productivity system can help you get more done in less time - that's true - but it cannot create more hours in the day, it cannot develop meaningful relationships with your kids, it cannot foster camaraderie with your co-workers, it cannot magically make you smarter or more knowledgeable. All of those things take time and dedication. If you are simply checking things of of a list - read the kids a bedtime story (check), read a business book (check), make a dinner reservation for date night (check) - you may not be fully experiencing the joys of life.
"No matter how productive you are, you can not do it all."
I don't want you to feel discouraged though, because I have a few suggestions for you!
Mihalich-Levin, Lori. “What Exactly IS Mom Guilt Anyway? A Clinical Psychotherapist Explains.” Mindful Return, 27 Feb. 2020, www.mindfulreturn.com/mom-guilt/.
Photo by Manasvita S on Unsplash
Many of you may have begun working from home in the past couple of weeks and may be doing so for the foreseeable future. If you've never worked at home before, it can be a big change and a big challenge! I've heard from some of you that you are struggling in various ways — from staying focused on your work to not letting your working hours bleed into your personal time. I have worked from home on and off for years, so I wanted to share with you some tips that may help you be more productive at work, more comfortable when you are working, and give you the ability to separate work and home life.
1. Get ready for work
You may think working from home means you get to roll out of bed and go straight to your laptop in pajamas and bedhead, but I suggest you actually get ready for work similar to how you would if you were going into the office. Depending if you are required to video chat or not may determine how much time you spend on your appearance, but at least do the following:
Get up early enough to get these things done before you're supposed to be logged on and ready to work. Over the past couple of weeks, circumstances were extraordinary and there were days that I got woken up with issues at my day job that continued all day so that I never had the time to do these basic things. I felt out of sorts and out of control all day long! I'm a true believer that how you look impacts how you feel (so much that I wrote an entire post about it!) Set yourself up for success by being awake and ready to face the workday — even if you're just walking to another room in your house!
"Set yourself up for success by being awake and ready to face the workday - even if you're just walking to another room in your house!"
Cloud, Henry and John Townsend. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No - To Take Control of Your Life. Michigan: Zondervan, 1992. Print.
A woman with many roles in life who knows the necessity of keeping things in order!
My Life In Laughter