​I’ve been in a productivity slump for the past few months. I could blame it on some sad things that have happened in my family, stress at work, or on the busyness of being a working mom, and I could feel bad about the things I didn’t do during that time - like not write any new blog posts...But I’m not here to make excuses, I’m here to get my productivity groove back and help you do the same!

Motivation, like a good habit, is very easy to lose and much harder to get back! Take a shortcut and learn from others. There are so many tools and suggestions available about productivity and organization (many available in previous posts on my blog!) Don’t try to do it alone - find a blog post, grab a book, listen to a podcast, or watch a YouTube video to learn something new or reinforce what you already know. I finally started reading the book I’ve been eyeing for months, Atomic Habits by James Clear. I am about halfway done, and I LOVE it! (Book review coming soon!) There are so many tidbits of great information that have provided me much needed motivation!

​Don’t try to do it all at once, or you’ll get overwhelmed and potentially do yourself more harm than good. Pick something that is fun and attainable or something that you have to do anyway. My motivation started returning when I had something to look forward to that required planning and organization - family vacation. Once I got started planning, I could start anticipating vacation, which I think is almost as fun as going! My planning paid off, and I felt really proud of all the effort I put into it.

After a successful vacation, I knew I could tackle more. I’m embarrassed to say I’d been doing the bare minimum for taking care of routine family finances and paperwork - for months. I’d do what was absolutely necessary and stash the rest for later. Later just never arrived until this past weekend. I spent a few hours and am now all caught up with processing and filing. (Click for tips on how to get caught up with your paperwork.) My appetite for productivity and organization is snowballing now! ​

​Once one project is done, you immediately feel a weight lifted and create space in your brain that used to be taken up by worrying about that thing that was undone.  Once one task is complete, you will crave the feeling of checking another project off of your list.  For me, after paperwork was caught up, I decided to cancel a couple of unnecessary subscriptions and saved myself money in the process. Now I’m hooked and am shopping for a better price on insurance.  Who knows, I may be cleaning out my craft area before I know it!  

What I’m relearning is that getting any little thing organized propels you to the next, bigger step.  After completing that step, you gain motivation to tackle even more daunting tasks.   You stop feeling sorry for yourself or bad about yourself for not accomplishing tasks.  I have a suspicion, I’m not the only one who has let their “productive self” go over the past year and a half, and I want to provide you encouragement that it’s not as hard as it seems to get your life in order!

Start your snowball of productivity in the next 15 minutes:

1. Make a quick list of anything you know is undone and is bugging you
2. Rank them in order of effort to accomplish with easiest on top
3. DO the easiest one!
4. Revel in how good it feels to cross it off your list!
5. SCHEDULE when you will do the next task.

I predict that as you repeat steps 3-5, you will gain motivation and confidence.  When that list is complete, you will have room in your head to really create productive systems to help you avoid having to write another list like that!

Thanks for reading my first post in several months - it’s good to be back! I hope you’ll stick with me as I strive to get and keep My Life In Order!  If you'd like to get new posts and newsletters in your inbox, please join the email list!

Sources
Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash
Clear, James. Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Penguin Random House LLC, 2018. ​

The analogy of the eye chart gives me a little comfort.  The standard of 20/20 is not perfect - it's average.  In our daily lives, we are pushed to perfection and it seems being average is not good enough.  All of us have been using the phrase 'hindsight is 20/20' to mean that when we look back we can see perfectly what we should have done.  I'm really happy to re-frame the expression to mean that when I look back, I'll have a better idea of what was actually happening or how things could have gone better, but I don't have to expect my view to be perfect - just better than it was when I was right in the middle of the experience.  

I want to appreciate the year 2020 for what it was, what it gave me,  and what it taught me.  But I think the most powerful part of 2020 was what it WASN'T.  Recognizing what we missed, what disappointed us, and what we regret can teach us so much about how to live in the future. 

An exercise I do every year is to ask myself some simple questions about the past year and then some similar questions about the upcoming year.  I then look at the themes I see through these answers to help narrow my focus for the next year.  Finally, I set goals around those areas of focus to help me be successful. ,

This year I tweaked the questions a little bit, and I also asked my kids these same questions and shared some of my answers with them (though this is a very personal exercise, and you should't feel the need to share your answers with anyone unless you want to!)   These questions led to a great discussion with my kids, and helped me solidify even more what I wanted to focus on in 2021.  Try it out!

About 2020
1. What made you feel proud or successful this year?
2. What made you happy this year?
3. What caused you stress this year?
4. What are you disappointed you did not do this year?
5. What did you do this year that you regret?

About 2021
1. What would your fantasy self accomplish next year?
2. If your wildest dreams came true next year, what would happen?
3. If money were no object, what would you do next year?
4. If you didn't care what others thought, what would you do next year?
5. What are some key things you want to avoid next year?

If you are looking for support in setting goals and achieving them in 2021, check out the accountability group I lead called Achieve!  The next session starts in mid-January.  Spots are limited, so if you are interested, please reach out for more information!

It's easy to go down a rabbit hole of gloom, doom, and woe is me because of all that has happened in 2020. Never has there been a better time to learn to see the glass half full, find the silver lining, and look for the good in everything (no matter how small that may be!)

​In the midst of everything going on in our 2020 world, we need somewhere to escape.  Make your home that sanctuary!  The definition of sanctuary is "a place of refuge or safety."  Our homes can literally keep us safe from the pandemic, but more than that, they can provide us a sense of calm and control that it's hard to find out in the world. ​

​Rearrange and Repurpose
​We all had to adapt our homes to fit our new needs like working from home and housing virtual students while still keeping them comfortable for regular living. For a while, my husband used TV trays to hold his laptop in the living room, but soon we realized that was a frustration for everyone.  We set up a small table in our bedroom and moved a comfortable chair there.  This allowed him to have a workstation that he didn't have to tear down each evening and kept our living room for family time.  

Virtual school was another challenge many of us had to overcome.  I wrote about some ideas to get organized for e-learning without completely overtaking the house in a previous post.  There were times this year that we had the entire family working/learning at home, so that meant I had to get really creative about my workspace which used to be in the living room.  I was able to repurpose my craft area into an office.  I found a cable to connect the TV I watch while I do crafts to my laptop for a second monitor, I reused an old cart to store all my sewing supplies to make room for my computer on the counter, and I got a new power strip to I could leave my power cord plugged in so setting up each day was quick.  I now have a dedicated space to work that I can leave at the end of my work day.  This is one of the key parts of work from home productivity!

Removing frustrations and reducing the amount of time spent in set up and tear down mode were the things our family was able to accomplish by rearranging and repurposing items in our home.  Working from home is now seamless and, though our kids are back at school for now, if they need to learn from home again, it won't be a burden or impact our common living space.  What can you rearrange today to help make your home fit your current situation?  Do you have a space or an item you can repurpose to help remove a frustration?

Only today when I was thinking about the parallels between putting on your own oxygen mask first and the importance of self-care did it hit me that I need to make myself some masks!  I'm the one in the family that spends the most time away from the house due to my job, but yet, everyone else has more masks than me.   Once I have enough masks, I will feel more secure, less frustrated and spend less time laundering my small supply of masks.  

There are selfish people in this world, but many of us think of others before ourselves.   It's time to begin looking at self-care as a way to help others.  Perimeter Health Care in Georgia explains on their website that, "Self-care encourages you to maintain a healthy relationship with yourself so that you can transmit the good feelings to others. You cannot give to others what you don't have yourself."

Consider these easy ways to care for yourself:

• Get enough sleep
• Take time to prepare healthy food
• Engage your mind through reading or taking a class
• Enrich your life through creative pursuits such as art or music
• Move your body to improve energy and health
• Connect with friends and develop relationships
• Participate in religious or spiritual services or activities
• Relax so you can recharge your batteries!

Even though the metaphor of oxygen masks meant actual masks in my life, it can mean anything in yours.  Choose at least one way to care for yourself this week because if you continue to give to others without caring for yourself, the less you are going to have to give.  Put your mask on first!

Over the past week, we have transformed my son's bedroom.  It has been a whirlwind process, but because we planned well, it's gone smoothly.  Read my previous post about 5 steps to a bedroom refresh .

The new room has much less storage than the previous layout.  We removed a large bookshelf, got a smaller dresser, relocated a cedar chest, and got rid of a 3 drawer plastic storage unit in the closet.  Less storage may sound counter intuitive, but it forced my son to have less stuff in his room.  Less stuff means less time cleaning his room, less arguments with me about clutter, less time spent looking for lost items, and more room to enjoy his private space.

When you have less storage, you must have less stuff.  This makes you consider each item that makes it way into your space carefully.  If you have a hard time getting rid of items or feel like everything is essential, try this trick.  Pack up your room as if you were moving, and when it's time to "move in,"  start by unpacking only the absolute essentials  like clothes, bedding, and maybe an alarm clock.  Then over a few days' time as you find a need for an item, go get it from your boxes and carefully place it in the location that you noticed you needed it.  In his book, Minimalism: Live a Meaningful Life, Joshua Fields Millburn says,  “Minimalism looks different for everyone because it’s about finding what is essential to you.”  ​

So if there aren't very many hours left in the day to work with, what are my options?   I decided I have to be content with not doing a lot of extra things in this season of my life, and when there is time for extra, I want that time to be spent with my family.  Once I gave myself a pass on all of those things I thought I should be doing, I felt so much better!  I was the one putting most of the pressure on myself.  

I encourage you to give this exercise a try! 

1. You may want to start by tracking your time to really see how you are spending your hours.  Use this free time tracker worksheet for this step! 
2. Summarize your time tracker into categories with total time spent on each category  (example: work =8 hours, cooking = 2 hours, cleaning =1 hour, etc.)
3. Then mark the items that are non-negotiable and find out how much time you have left in your 24 hours after the necessary items are complete.
4. Fill in the blanks of your day with other tasks.
5. Give yourself permission to say no or to NOT do something if it will take away from something else you want or need to spend your time on.

If you're a bit of a spreadsheet geek like me, shoot me an email at info@mylifeinorder.com and ask me to send you the How to Spend 24 hours spreadsheet that does all the math for you! 

Check out all of the other time management posts on the blog to help you find ways to balance all that you want and need to do into the realistic framework of a 24 hour day!  

Last week was Labor Day which meant a day off of work for many of us.  Long weekends are exciting, but short weeks tend to overwhelm me.  There is just as much to do, with one less day to get it done.  When time is short, choosing the right thing to work on first is even more important.  

"There's so much to do that I don't even know where to start!"  How many times have you said that?  I'm here to help!  Not because I'm the expert, but because I've faltered and failed enough times to find a better way.  

Gary Keller suggests in his book The One Thing that we ask ourselves this question over and over, "What is the ONE Thing I can do such that by doing it, everything else will be easier or unnecessary?”  In the past, I thought that checking several things off of my to do list was better than completing one task - even if that one task was more important or urgent. 

In fact, doing less, can help us accomplish more in the long run.  Keller says, “Until my ONE Thing is done — everything else is a distraction.”  Distractions are everywhere - email anyone??  Read the last post about the No Email Hour to help avoid that trap!  Once you figure out what that ONE thing is, focus on it, and accomplish it, you repeat the process over and over!  The hard part is determining what that ONE thing is.  

Experts often point to the Eisenhower Matrix of urgent and important tasks.  This matrix is named after the 34th President of the United States, Dwight D. Eisenhower, who was experienced at prioritizing while he was a general in the US Army and the Allied Forces Supreme Commander in World War II.   He suggested identifying the urgency and importance of a task to determine what to do first.  An urgent task is one that is compelling or requires immediate action or attention.  An important task is one that is of great significance or value.  If a task is both important and urgent, that puts it in the "do first" quadrant.  A task that is important, but not urgent should be scheduled for a later time while a task that is urgent but less important can be delegated to someone else.  Finally, if a task is not urgent and not important, this is something that likely not even do at all! 

The Eisenhower matrix is a great framework to help sort out your tasks, but I would suggest a little twist to increase productivity even more using this simple order.
​

1. Delegate - it's super easy to check something off your list when you don't even have to do it!
2. Automate -  do one or more steps of the process, and the rest happens automatically.
3. Remove Stress - a big, scary task looming over you will hinder your productivity the rest of the day - just do it!
4. Consider Dependencies - be aware of cause and effect and think downstream.

​A busy day at home is the perfect opportunity to apply these steps.  Let's say you have a sink full of dirty dishes, 2 loads of laundry to do, a doctor appointment to schedule, and uncomfortable email to send, cookies to bake for an event,  kids to take to and from sports practice, and a few things to pick up at the store.  Here's how the 4 steps above can help you be productive.

First you should look for an opportunity to delegate.  If you can completely delegate a task, that's an easy win, but even if you can delegate only a step in the process, that can free you up to work on something else at the same time.  If you have kids, there are plenty of ways they can help like unloading the clean dishes from the dishwasher, sorting laundry or even starting a load.   

​You have several automations already created for you in your day.  In our busy day example, your dishwasher and clothes washer and dryer automate some of your tasks.  Automations do require prep work.  You have to empty the dishwasher of clean dishes and load it with dirty dishes before you can start it.  You have to gather and sort your laundry, put a load in the washer with detergent before you can start the washer.   Once you get your machines working for you, you can complete other tasks while your dishes and clothes are getting clean - in this example, scheduling that doctor appointment.  

It is important to get automated tasks going before you do other tasks.  If you waited until late in the day to start the laundry, the automation doesn't buy you as much time as if you start it early in the day.  You may need to revisit your automated processes from time to time (like switching the clothes from the washer to the dryer in order to start a new load)

Now that you've got others working for you (delegation) and your machines working for you (automation), it's time to remove the stress.  There may be one task on your list that has been causing you anxiety or stress.  If you put it off, you may be focusing on it instead of other tasks throughout the day.  By getting it out of the way, you will better be able to focus later.  In our example, that uncomfortable email may be a source of stress.  While your machines are working for you, take the time to just do it!

Finally consider dependencies in tasks.  You still need to take kids to and from sports practices, make cookies, and go to the store.  The kids' practice is dependent on a specific time.  It's scheduled, so you can't do it before the time it occurs.  Since you'll be away from home during the drive to and from practice, and you probably shouldn't leave the house with your oven on, you either have to get the cookies finished before you leave, have enough time to bake the batches while practice is in session, or not start until you return home from pickup.  You don't have any chocolate chips, so you can't make chocolate chip cookies until you've been to the store.  Now that you've thought through all of your to-do's, you can determine the best order to complete your tasks in.  

By using these 4 steps along with the principles of the Eisenhower matrix, you will be able to choose to put first things first and become the most productive version of yourself!

​Sources

Keller, Gary. The One Thing: the Surprisingly Simple Truth behind Extraordinary Results. John Murray Press, 2019.

“The Eisenhower Matrix: Introduction & 3-Minute Video Tutorial.” Eisenhower, 2017, www.eisenhower.me/eisenhower-matrix/. ​

I don't want you to feel discouraged though, because I have a few suggestions for you!  
​

• Lower your own expectations

I've written about this one before, so I'm just going to link you to that post.  Give yourself the grace you'd give anyone else!

• Don't keep to do's in your head

You're a busy person so don't waste any of the energy you have to spend on remembering things.  Keep a master to do list.  Use paper or digital, it doesn't matter.  Just develop your own system of capturing all the things in your head so you can use your brain for doing the stuff and not just remembering it!

• Recognize seasons of your life and move your focus to where it needs to be during that time.

As I said above, my kids are still young, and it's going too fast.  I want to freeze time sometimes.  This is the season of my life that going to kids' activities is more important to me than going to a work event and rubbing shoulders with important people, and I'm done feeling guilty about that!

• Prune out some of the unnecessary from your life.

​We all do a lot, and there's bound to be a few things that you can either stop doing all together or delegate to someone else.  I encourage you to check out this roles and responsibilities worksheet to help identify all the roles and responsibilities you have in your life and how you can cut back to give yourself some breathing room.

• Add something to your life that is just for you.

This one seems counter-intuitive, but I highly recommend it.  When I was the busiest and most overwhelmed in my life is when I started this blog.  I needed an outlet that wasn't about my family or my work.  It was something that I could put on the back burner if I needed to without a lot of impact, but it was also something I could escape to if I wanted.  Find a hobby or develop a new skill.  It doesn't have to take lots of your time, but it can life changing!

To be truly productive, it is almost imperative to have a master to-do list where you record everything you need to do and use it to prioritize your actions as you work toward completing tasks that will ultimately help you accomplish your goals.  Though I believe this is true, today I want to introduce a different concept that I think is almost as important to your personal productivity - a done list!  

A done list is just what it sounds like, a list of things you’ve completed.  There are a couple of options on how to create a done list, but before I tell you HOW, let me tell you WHY.  ​

1.  Develops Positive Emotions
Sometimes in the midst of all the items left undone on our to do list, it’s easy to forget all that was accomplished in a day.  At the end of the work day, the emotions we feel are directly related to the progress we made (or didn’t make.)

Dr. Teresa Amabile, a Harvard Business School professor and co-author of The Progress Principle found that when people recognized their small accomplishments, they experienced more positive emotions which in turn, encouraged future accomplishment.  In a Harvard Business Review article, she explained a study which analyzed 12,000 employees on a daily basis. ”On days when they made progress, our participants reported more positive emotions. They not only were in a more upbeat mood in general but also expressed more joy, warmth, and pride.” 

2. Creates Momentum
We tend to focus more on our failures than our successes, so keeping track of what we’ve accomplished can remind us of what we are capable of.  Organizational psychologist, Karl Weick says “Once a small win has been accomplished, forces are set in motion that favor another small win. When a solution is put in place, the next solvable problem often becomes more visible.”

Completing a task feels so much better than starting 10 tasks and not quite finishing any of them!  Every time you record something you’ve finished, you get a little hit of dopamine, a type of neurotransmitter in your body’s nervous system that plays a role in feeling pleasure.  It actually helps us focus and improves motivation.  So completing one item literally can increase our chances of completing the next one.

1.  As you go
This is the method I most prefer.  I have a master task list for EVERYTHING I need to do, but on a daily basis, I choose the one thing I’m going to work on first, and I write the item down on a handwritten list.  When I’m done, I put a line through it and choose the next thing to begin.  I also use this list to record to-do’s that come to mind as I’m working on a task.  This helps me stay focused on what I’m doing and not spend mental energy remembering something for later.  As those items are completed, I mark a line through them.  At the end of the day, if there’s anything left that I didn’t get completed, I add it to my master to-to list. Then I review all the items that were marked off and revel in the sense of accomplishment!

2. After you’re done
When you complete a task, write it down (and put a big check mark by it if that makes you feel good!)  If you prefer paper, I would suggest a small notebook where you can keep these lists so you can look back and see all that you’ve accomplished.  If you use digital solutions, a simple spreadsheet or document can be an easy way to capture your completed tasks.

3. Within Your To Do List
If you don’t want the extra work of creating a separate done list, you could mark completed tasks with the date on your paper to-do list  If you use a digital task management system like Nozbe, completed tasks stay visible for the day they are completed so you can view your progress.  With either method, you have the benefit of being able to review the tasks you’ve completed on a certain day to give you satisfaction and a boost of momentum!

Sources 
Higgs, Micaela Marini. “How to Accept a Compliment - Even If It's From Yourself.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 4 Dec. 2018, www.nytimes.com/2018/12/04/smarter-living/how-to-accept-a-compliment.html.

Amabile and Steven J. Kramer, Teresa, and Steven J. Kramer. “The Power of Small Wins.” Harvard Business Review, 6 May 2020, hbr.org/2011/05/the-power-of-small-wins.

"Do vs. Done Lists: Jot Down Your Small Wins." Evernote, 12 April 2017, https://evernote.com/blog/do-vs-done-lists-jot-down-your-small-wins
​
"What is Dopamine?" WebMD 19 June 2019, .https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-dopamine#1

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

We are living in a historic time, and many of us are battling conflicting emotions that change multiple times a day.  We are in a situation we’ve never been in before nor has anyone ever been!  It’s a struggle to sort out the truth from the rhetoric, and a true balancing act between staying informed and becoming obsessed.  Our physical and our mental health seem like they are somethings being pitted against each other, and it's been difficult to lead a "regular" life over the past several months.
 
For me, part of my "regular" life for the past 3 years has been this blog, but I soon realized that it had been months since my last blog post.  When stay-at-home orders first hit, I was just busy with my day job in IT, so I skipped a couple of weeks.  Then I became envious of those I saw posting on social media about how they were embracing the “pause” in daily life.   My work life had not paused, and in fact I was working more hours with more stress than ever, and I still had to be a good boss, a supportive wife, an attentive parent, and even a teacher!  The only thing I felt that I could allow myself to “pause” was my blog - so I stopped writing.

About a month after my last blog post, I realized that not ONE person had noticed I hadn’t written or posted on social media, so I became discouraged wondering why I should even start up again.  I began to use any pockets of time that I could find to do other things I enjoyed like reading, working in the yard, learning to sew, going on walks with my husband, and spending bonus time with my kids.  ​

What's Next?
I’m launching the next session of Achieve!, the group goal setting and accountability group for women, in mid-September with a 6 week session.  If you have a goal you need help achieving or even need help determining what your goal is, this small group, virtual program may be just what you need.  Learn more about the program here.  ​​ If you decide to sign up, use coupon code: EARLYBIRD  by 8/15/20 for your first week free!

Many around the world are hunkered down at home to help slow the spread of COIVD-19.  I think this is the perfect time to get some projects done at home!  During times of uncertainty, it's easy to become anxious and overwhelmed about the things we can't control.  Small, achievable projects can give us a way to keep our minds off of the sometimes scary reality and also regain some control in our lives.  Many of you may be off work or working from home for the next 14 days, so read on for 14 organizing projects you can get done in one day or less!

At least the timing is about right for putting away winter clothes and getting out your Spring/Summer wardrobe.    Make sure to donate winter items you didn't wear this year and try on the Spring/Summer items to make sure they fit.  Don't waste space with things that no longer fit or you no longer love!  For more ideas read, The Seasonal Switch post!

This is a great time to think about what medicines in your cabinet may be out of date and determine which ones you are out of.  Make sure to clean the shelves and any organizing containers thoroughly.   You may be able to use items from around the house to combine like items.  Find some low-cost organizing ideas in the post, 5 Dollar Store Ideas for Your Medicine Cabinet.

Everybody has one and without occasional attention, the junk drawer can get out of control!  You may store some essentials in this drawer like batteries, flashlights, and hand sanitizer, so make sure you add any items you need to replenish to your shopping list.  Read more in 7 Steps to the Junk Drawer of Your Dreams.

You probably have a pile of papers to go through "when I have time."  Well, you've got some time now!  Separate into things you will do; things you will defer; things you can shred, recycle or trash; and things to file.  From there it's pretty simple, do the do pile, file the file pile, trash the trash pile, and find a home for what you deferred (though think about just doing everything you possibly can instead of keeping a pile for later!)  If you already have a good system in place, read 6 Steps to Get Caught Up on Paperwork  but if you need some help knowing where to start, check out The First Big Win: Wrangling the Paper or TheBinder System.

We all have a hobby of some sort, and those of us with kids likely have supplies for all sorts of crafts and hobbies!  The first step is to PURGE!  Get input from everyone who has used the supplies in the past about what they'd like to see done with them.  Choices are keep it all, keep some, donate, or trash.  Set up a few boxes - one for keep, one for donate, and one for trash.  Go through everything first and then begin determining where items will go and how you will store them.  I'll be doing a whole post soon on craft/hobby room organization!  In the meantime, you can read Can Creativity Be Orderly.

Having a clear surface next to my bed gives me a sense of calm!  It's very easy to let your bedside table get cluttered because you are usually tired when you are near it.  Go through everything in and on the table and relocate anything you don't need within arms' reach at night.  Don't forget to add items that would be handy to have close by like hand lotion, chap stick, pain reliever, headphones, a book, a flashlight, etc.  In my E-book, Get Organized Head First, I share a how to get your entire bedroom cleaned and organized.  Having an orderly bedroom creates a sense of calm and control that translates to other areas in your life.  Get a copy of Get Organized Head First for only $2 when you use code: ORGANIZE at checkout!

Pick a closet, any closet! This could be a coat closet, a linen closet, or your clothes closet.   Use the steps of purge, sort and store.  Purge what you no longer need or want, sort so like items are kept together, and then store in logical and accessible ways.  Read for more ideas in these posts The Seasonal Switch and Personalized Organizing

Spring soccer is just beginning.  Though practice schedules are up in the air for the time being, we will eventually get back to the days of cleats, shin guards, and soccer socks all over the place!  Consider setting up a zone in your home or garage where all the sports equipment and supplies go.  Items that we only use for a couple of months at a time don't tend to have a "home" like items we use all of the time.  This makes it more likely that they get left in a pile or create clutter.  Read How to Create an Organized Sports Zone for more ideas.

What a great opportunity to catch up on laundry (see how I'm trying to look on the bright side!)  It feels like laundry never ends, but I'm hopeful with less outings will come less laundry!  Take a day to assess what the problem areas are in your laundry room — it may be the lack of folding space, a cluttered shelf for cleaning supplies, or a hamper that is too small.  Read A Laundry Experiment Part 1 and A Laundry Experiment Part 2 for more ideas!

My family loves games!  We play family games at least a couple of times a week and are planning on a lot more while the kids are off school for the next few weeks.  Some of our favorites are Llama Drama, Exploding Kittens,  One Night Ultimate Werewolf, Unstable Unicorns,Yahtzee, Boggle, Bananagrams, Catch Phrase, and  Hearts.  This is a great time  pull out some games you haven't played in a while to determine if they are keepers or not.  Go through each box and assure you have all the pieces.  Keep all extra or random pieces in a small container so that they are easy to find later.

If you have kids who are going to be home from school for a few weeks, you are likely already dreading hearing them whine, "I'm bored!"  Going through their toys is a great way for them to rediscover fun things they may have forgotten about.  Use the same system as you did with the closet — purge, sort, store.  One of my favorite toy organizing projects was in this blog post, Lego Storage Under the Stairs

The Coronavirus outbreak has caused many of us to think about what and who is really important to us.   Think of this as an opportunity you've been given to reconsider your priorities and set new boundaries and goals for your life.   I encourage you to physically write down your goals and find someone to share them with so you have the accountability you need to achieve them.  Read about S.M.A.R.T. goals here and get a free, printable goal setting worksheet.  Learn about how to set and achieve a goal in as little as 6 weeks in this free, 10 minute webinar.  And if you are interested in some structured accountability, consider the upcoming Achieve! session - learn more here!

Being stuck at home will force many of us to get creative about what we cook.  It's a great time to look in the depths of your refrigerator and freezer for food you didn't even know you had!  You may start to realize that maybe if your fridge was a little more organized you would have known what was in there!  Get some quick ideas by reading Organize Your Fridge for Healthy Eating  and if this inspires you to do the WHOLE kitchen - check out the free 7 day video series, 7 Days to an Orderly Kitchen.

Being stuck at home will likely mean lots of electronics being used over the next couple of weeks. You probably have cords and chargers all over the place.  Gather them all together, and use the same method we've talked about before - purge, sort and store.   There are likely cords and chargers from items you no longer own as well as multiples of the same type.   Don't keep more than you need. Even if you throw or give away several cords and chargers, you will save money in the long run because you won't be buying new ones every time you can't find one — now you'll know right where they are!

​Sources
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Photo by jordi pujadas on Unsplash

Over the years, I’ve broken many New Year’s Resolutions by mid-February. There are also many resolutions I've kept, and most of those have all had something in common - they weren’t centered on me, but instead were focused on others. Once I began to make some of my annual resolutions externally focused, I was able to create habits rather than just a temporary routine. ​

An example of an externally focused goal was the resolution to stop thinking so hard about if I should help someone. I decided that if the opportunity presented itself, and I had the ability or means to help someone, I would just do it instead of mulling it over and delaying a decision. Though this was initially focused on others, the benefit to me was great as well - I wasted less time overthinking and learned to confident in my decision making skills.

I’ve also made goals about investing in relationships, and though that benefits me as well, I’m more likely to keep up with it because I feel like I’m letting someone else down if I don’t follow through. Sometimes it’s easier to keep promises to others than it is yourself.

In Gretchen Rubin's book, The Four Tendencies, she explains that everyone responds to expectations differently. She identified four main personality types based on how they respond to inner and outer expectations. Upholders can easily meet outer and inner expectations; Obligers have trouble meeting inner expectations but thrive with outer expectation; Questioners need to ask questions to help make sense out of outer expectations, thus turning them into inner expectations; and Rebels don’t respond to inner or outer expectation - they kind of do what they want when they want. Take the quiz to see what your primary tendency is.

Even if your goal is 100% about you, outward expectations can still help you be successful if you find an accountability partner or join an accountability group. Research shows an increased chance for success when you announce your goal and report on progress regularly. It’s a little harder to let others down than it is to let yourself down - that’s unfortunate, but often true.

But what about a goal that is so private that you don’t want to share it with anyone? Try thinking about your “future self.” This allows you to look from the outside in and think of your future self as almost a different person. You can make a promise to her that you don’t want to break. I love the concept of the future self for goal setting but also for short term motivation. For example we all know it makes sense to prepare the night before to make your mornings go more smoothly, but yet many of us don’t do the prep work regularly. Try thinking about what you owe your future self and how she will feel when you make preparations that will benefit her. This can be for things as insignificant as peeling your orange at home instead of putting whole orange in your lunch bag. Think, “Future me will be so happy she doesn’t have to make a mess peeling this orange at her desk tomorrow when she’s hungry for a snack, and it will help her eat healthier too!”

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The future self concept gets really, really interesting even beyond the ways we can motivate ourselves in the short term. Harvard psychologist, Dan Gilbert, explains in his TED talk the difference between the ease of remembering and the difficulty of imagining. Most of us can remember who we were but it’s harder to imagine who we are going to be in the future. Gilbert says, “Then we mistakenly think that because it’s hard to imagine, it’s not likely to happen.” You’ve heard the phrase, ‘I can’t imagine that’ and usually this is because of the poor imagination of the person saying it, not the unlikelihood that it will actually happen. That excites me - my future truly can be beyond my imagination!

Whether you become accountable to your future self, to your best friend, or to a group of strangers, that accountability will help you create a long term promise that will form your behavior and decisions in the present and the future - and the beauty is the past doesn’t have to be a limiting factor.   Goals could be in the form of an educational or professional pursuit, a healthy lifestyle, learning a new skill or hobby, or even focusing on developing or improving a relationship. It might be time to rethink this year's resolutions and determine how to make them outwardly focused - even if that focus is yourself in the future! 

Sources

Photo by Austin Kehmeier on Unsplash

Rubin, Gretchen. The Four Tendencies. Random House USA, 2018.

Wissman, Barrett. “An Accountability Partner Makes You Vastly More Likely to Succeed.” Entrepreneur, 20 Mar. 2018, www.entrepreneur.com/article/310062.

​Photo by Taylor Smith on Unsplash

Gilbert, Dan. “The Psychology of Your Future Self.” TED, Mar. 2014, www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_the_psychology_of_your_future_self.

It's the first full week of the new year, and I'm on-fire motivated to meet my goals.  I'm so darn excited about what I want to achieve this year that I want it all to happen right now!  I was reminded yesterday that just because I haven't seen immediate progress on my first goal of the year, doesn't mean I'm a failure or that I'm not going to achieve it.  Thank goodness for good friends who can see things from the outside looking in and remind me of that!  This got me thinking about what strategies I could employ this year to not only be successful at achieving my goals, but also to give myself grace along the way.  Here's what I've come up with:

Give Yourself Time
​The T in a SMART goal stands for time bound, and I need to remember that even though I may be able to complete each of my individual goals in 6 weeks, I can't do them all in the SAME 6 weeks.  I want to keep that fire in my belly, so I need to be careful not to let it burn to quickly and extinguish that flame.

Recognize All Achievements
Even small victories are worth celebrating.  Though I may not have gotten 100 people to attend my webinar on the first day it was launched, I did have one person who watched!  That's something to be proud of, learn from, and build upon.

​Keeping a "done" list is a great way to remind yourself of how far you've come and how much you've accomplished.  A done list is the to-do list's counterpart.  You can still keep your traditional to-do list, but start a list of everything you've completed.  This will give you a sense of accomplishment, and it tends to create momentum.

Walk Away
Sometimes when you get head-down into a goal, you become so focused on a certain outcome that you don' take time for your other responsibilities or relationships.  Laser-focus is a great thing, but not at the expense of what matters most to us.  Walking away from your goal even for an hour or two and spending that time doing something productive or interacting with your family or friends will provide you a better perspective and a refreshed sense of purpose when you get back to it.

Another option is to set certain time frames that you dedicate to your goal so that during other parts of the day or week you don't feel like you're losing precious time. This can also set expectations with your family and friend so they aren't upset when you are busy working toward your goal.

Tell Someone
This is the best (and easiest) tip by far — get a mentor, a sounding board, or better yet join a group of them!  Achieving your goals increases by 95% when you check in regularly with someone about your goal.  This person or group can keep you accountable no only for working toward your goal, but for being realistic with your own expectations.  If you're looking for a group like this to encourage you and keep you accountable, check out the Achieve! program that launches in February.
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I can't believe this is my 100th blog post!  I looked through what I call my "blog log" which lists the date, title, and number of every one I've written, and I have to say— I'm really proud of what is included in these past 99 posts.  When I say proud,  I don't mean boastful, but rather a feeling of deep satisfaction that resulted from hard work, honesty, and perseverance.  It has been important to me from the start that I be transparent and not claim to know all the answers.  I'm in this with you — I have many of the same struggles as you, and I'm continuing to figure out how striving to live a life in order can help me gain and maintain control.  I truly believe that productivity and organization is not only for those born naturally orderly, but that it gives the rest of us the freedom and space to really enjoy our lives.

I asked my oldest son, who is nearly an all-knowing teenager, what I should write about for my 100th post.  He gave me some sage advice, "write about how you stuck with your blog all of this time."  I thought his suggestion was brilliant!  Yes, that's something I want to explore — stick-to-itiveness!

I kind of went down a rabbit hole researching what this word meant.  I went from stick-to-itiveness to tenacity to tenacious to "persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired."  What I realized was the reason it was easy for me to stick with my blog is because I value it! 

Many of us were required to read What Color is Your Parachute by Richard N. Bolles in a college job readiness course.  This book explored how to determine what job is right for you and how to get it.  No matter if you are looking for a job, a hobby, or just your next fun project, the principles are the same — you should search for your key passions and strive to use them daily.  The more passionate you are about something, the more likely you are to see it through, and be happy along the way. 

A pioneer in this type of strengths philosophy was Bernard Haldane, an English doctor who moved to New York in the 1940's.  After realizing he didn't meet the U.S. requirements for working in medicine, he began helping veterans recognize their own strengths and transferable skills from their military experience.  He encouraged them use those skills to rejoin the non-military workforce after returning from the war.  Haldane's work inspired others in the field and led to many books and programs encouraging people to determine not only what they were good at, but what they loved doing and would provide them with feelings of pride for having accomplished.  He was clear that this didn't mean it was all sunshine and rainbows along the way!  There will always be parts of a task or a process that one will dislike or cause them to work outside of their comfort zone, but he proposed that both the journey AND the outcome should provide satisfaction.

Starting My Life In Order came out of something I was passionate about — getting my own life in order and helping others do the same.  It consisted of things I enjoy — writing, technology, connecting and helping others achieve their goals.  I have one little secret that has helped me stick with it to this milestone 100th post — I give myself a LOT of grace!  I try to remember that this venture is supposed to be fun.  Though I feel a responsibility to publish blog posts regularly and be active on social media, I also give myself a pass sometimes.   The world won't end if my blog post is a little late or if I am MIA on Facebook for a day.  By giving myself permission not to be perfect all the time, it is much easier to keep on keeping on!  If I felt like if I didn't publish a post every 7 days that I was a failure, I would have quit a long time ago!  Imagine what you can accomplish if you can find that thing you are great at, fuels your fire, AND can give yourself some grace!  

You may be thinking, "Yeah, this all makes sense —if I love something I can stick with it, but what if I don't love it or just downright dislike it?"  Learning to persevere even when it's not fun is where real success begins!   Start by asking yourself the who, what, when, where, why questions.
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I've been a daydreamer as long as I can remember.  As a child I would make up what I called "stories in my head." They weren't wild or unrealistic, but instead, they were detailed accounts of things that could actually happen.  When I was very young it could be about a toy I wanted, and I'd daydream about how I might earn enough money to buy it or how someone might give it to me as a gift.  When I was a little older, and I liked a boy, I would daydream about how we might be in the same place at the same time.  ​

As the holidays approach, you've likely been hearing more about gratitude than ever before.  The research is abundant about how gratitude affects not only our attitude, but also our relationship with others and our mental, physical and spiritual health.

A Harvard Health Publishing article explains what happens when people begin to acknowledge the good things in their lives.  "In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power."

Neuroscientists at USC have studied the impact of gratitude on the brain and have learned that there are actually links between being grateful and our brain structure.  They have found that gratitude can prompt the creation of brain chemicals that increase feelings of  being connected to others.  It is important to note that the changes in the brain, and consequently in our lives, don't happen immediately, but actually accrue over time.  This is actually kind of exciting because once you learn to incorporate gratitude into your routine, it becomes an automatic mood booster that is only going to grow as time goes on.

Practicing gratitude doesn't only benefit ourselves, but there is research to suggest that grateful people are more likely to be generous and altruistic.  University of Oregon neuroscientist, Christina Karns, researched the connection between gratitude and generosity and learned that they are both controlled by the same area of the brain.  Think about the snowball effect this has - the more grateful you are, the more likely you are to be giving, which could provide reason for others to be more grateful and give.  This cycle could go on and on!

As my boys grow out of the little kid stage, I have become more and more aware of how fleeting childhood is.  I have to admit it makes me kind of sad to think about my little boys growing into young men.  The things that use to seem annoying  — silly cartoons, endless games of pretend, so many Legos®, little socks without mates, countless drawings covering the refrigerator, or lots of toys lining the side of the bathtub — now, I long for more!  

​I'm realizing now that what matters most to me is time together, shared experiences, and memories made.  The memories are in my head and heart, but having tangible things to see and touch, help me remember more vividly.  It is very easy to get into a state of mind (like I am as I write this) that you want to hold onto your children or your life as it is now and never forget it — and to do that, we feel like we should save everything!   It's funny how something very small or seemingly insignificant can jog your memory and bring back emotions you felt at the time you first had the experience.  A little note in scribbled handwriting, a self portrait drawn in Kindergarten, a story written by an imaginative elementary student, a photo, a ticket stub, a program from a school concert, or a spelling test with a big red A+ all will transport you back in time, if only for a moment, to re-experience the event you were commemorating by saving the item.  Hanging onto all of our kids' stuff can quickly become a dangerous practice unless you can afford to add on a wing to your house for mementos!

I've found that time is the best way to determine if something is really worth saving.  Once you throw something away, it's gone, so I have made the decision that if I have a slight feeling of attachment to an item, I will save it — at least for a while. Way back when I started My Life In Order, I wrote about paper organization and shared a workflow that helped me stay on top of all the paper that comes into our home.  A big part of that process is about how I handle items that I consider mementos.  Today, I'm going to share with you my current system for memento organization, and in a later post I will explain how my system is evolving as my children get older.

​Step 1:  Keep or Trash?
Commit to making quick decisions about everything that comes into your home.  There are really only two options with mementos — keep or trash.  Just because you choose to keep an item in this first step, doesn't mean you have to keep it forever, so don't spend much time worrying about the quantity of items you save in this step.  

I used to save too little in this step, and my little guy would often rescue his beloved artwork or a worksheet he was particularly proud of from the recycling bin.  I've finally found a happy medium between saving everything and trashing the majority, and the key has been asking my kids about what they would like to save.  Sometimes I'm surprised what they want to save but also at what they DON'T want to save.  

I have an inbox in my kitchen specific for mementos.  This is the perfect spot for me, because all paper flows through my kitchen! But before I put items in that inbox, I review them for things I obviously don't need to keep.

​Step 3: Review and Prune
Every once in a while, you will need to review and prune your mementos so you don't run out of space.  The added benefit of this review is that you can experience the memories that go along with these items again.  In reality, the only mementos I do this with regularly are the kids'.  The natural time to review is between school years.  It's kind of fun to spread everything from that drawer where we put items throughout the year all over the floor and go through them together.  If there's an item that neither of us can remember what it is or why we saved it, that's a sure sign that it should be trashed!  At the end of a school year, I also have more clarity about if I saved WAY too many spelling tests or drawings, and then with the help of each child, I can choose the best of the best to save long term.  

Each year I purchase a small container, and only allow myself to save the amount of paper that will fit in that bin.  This finite amount of space helps to keep the mementos to a respectable amount.  I realize that with two kids and one container per school year, this will add up fairly quickly.  Currently I have the back of one closet dedicated to these items, but I know that as more time passes, I'll be able to repeat the review and prune process a few more times to get the kids' mementos down to an even more manageable amount.  The more time that passes, the easier it is to determine what is worth saving.  Don't forget to go through this process with the over-sized items from Step 1 that you may have stored elsewhere.

Much of Step 3 depends on the amount of space you have.  Don't overwhelm today with all the stuff of yesterday. You will need to determine how much space you are willing to dedicate to mementos and be sure that they don't interfere with living your daily life to the fullest.  

What's Next?
I'm planning to pare down my kids'mementos even more as time goes on.  The truly important mementos will automatically show themselves — you'll remember what they mean while you may forget why in the world you saved some of the other things! My oldest is turning 13 in just a few weeks, so I'm using this milestone to motivate me to create a system for him that will allow us to continue to save important mementos in a way that will be easily accessible when it's time to make a high school graduation party display and small enough for him to take to his own home someday.  I'll be working on this over Christmas break, so stay tuned for Memento Organization: Part 2!

I read a lot of blogs, articles, and books about productivity, and one of the top suggestions for success is developing habits and routines - specifically in the morning. 

Morning is a time of day I love to BE up and productive, but my problem is the GETTING up!  Many of the books say you should get up at 5 a.m., exercise, meditate, and never look at your phone.  Well... my mornings have almost always been the total opposite of that.  I've traditionally set the alarm for as late as possible to allow me a few snoozes and then scurry around until I'm all sweaty and it's a little past time to get in the car for my commute.

I've gone through spurts where I got up early and walked on the treadmill or did yoga or maybe even read an enriching book, but it never lasted much than a workweek. I'd look to other research to support my theory that maybe I'm just not a morning person.  The book The Power of When by Michael Breus is very interesting and suggests that each of us have a chronotype that dictates when we tend to perform the best.  Though there's truth that I might not naturally pop out of bed at 5 a.m. happy and looking fresh, work and school still start early in the day, so I've got to figure out how to embrace the morning!  I distinctly remember the feeling I had one crisp, fall day in college when I'd gotten up early to finish a paper and walked across campus to turn it in.  I closed my under-20-year-old eyes, breathed in the cool air, and thought, "It feels good to already be done with something this early in the morning."  I often think of what it felt like to breathe in that feeling of early morning achievement.  How do I get that feeling back?  How do I become consistent in early accomplishment?

Here's what I've come up with:

1.  Have Something You're Excited to Get Up For
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THIS is where it's at! If you enjoy sleep more than you enjoy what you do in the mornings, obviously, it's going to be hard to get out of bed. Thinking back to that feeling I had of early morning accomplishment when I was in college - what I remember most was the beautiful, cool morning air.  I used to, very rarely, and only on a weekend, go out to my deck to read if I needed some alone time.  The weather had to be perfect, the angle of the sun had to be perfect, and the timing had to be perfect so there was no dew on my chair.  All three of those things aligned a few weeks ago, and I was enjoying my book and the sounds of the birds in my backyard.  I looked around me and saw the overgrown plants, the dusty table, and the leaf-covered boards of my deck.  I decided if I was feeling so calm and enjoying my book in the outside so much in the midst of that disaster, how great would I feel with pruned plants, a clean table and a swept deck?  I spent a few hours that day cleaning things up and vowed to sit outside every morning that week before work for at least a few minutes and do something I wanted to do - read, write in my journal, work on my blog, plan in my calendar, do a devotion, just sit and listen to the morning - whatever I wanted!  What a great week it was - I made progress on my e-book, I planned, I read, I smelled my flowers!  I'm not going to lie, there was a day that all I did was take two deep breaths of morning air and then headed back inside, but even on that day, I looked forward to getting outside, which made it much easier to get out of bed!

For me, getting outside coupled with having some dedicated time to do what I wanted to do was key! I did have to adapt to the dew on the chairs (a towel to sit on or a chair from inside brought out) and the humidity (not fixing my hair until after the outside time), but because I was excited about the time set aside accomplish my personal goals, I made it work! Now that I've made going outside in the mornings a habit, I'm going to try to get up a little earlier in the coming weeks to enjoy more of that time!  Winter in Indiana may prove a little difficult for outside time, but I plan to create a nook somewhere to stand in for my deck during the worst of the weather (though I'm not going to dwell on winter weather when I still have late summer and fall still to enjoy!)

2. Do what you want to -- and what you don't 

As excited as I am about my outside, alone time to do thing things I want to do, I'm still a mom, wife, homeowner, and employee, so everyday there are tasks that aren't necessarily making me jump up and down with joy.  But since I'm allowing myself that time to do what I want to do, it makes those other tasks not as bad.  Is there a really daunting task for work that  you could get a jump start on at home, do you need to start a load of laundry or maybe even scrub the toilet?  Pick at least one task that you don't care for (and it's ok if it's a tiny one) and just get it done!  You will feel so good that you've gotten it out of the way

​3. Plan ahead 

I wrote about this topic earlier this year, but I think it makes such a difference in a morning routine that I'll sum it up for you again.  Limit your morning decisions by picking out your outfit, and either pre-packing your lunchbox or at least having go-to snacks available to pack.  Use your phone to remind you of what you need to do on a specific morning or to alert you when it's time to get in the car!  I also like to time myself so I know exactly how long certain morning tasks take. 

​Multi-task!  Normally, I'd tell you single-tasking is a better bang for your buck, but in the morning, you can do a few things at once like let your hair dry while you put on your makeup.  Quit opening up the same cabinet over and over - plan your morning attack and be efficient!  Leave something in your home clean before you exit the house for the day - for me it's my bathroom counter, for others it's their made bed.  Give yourself a quick win to start the day feeling productive!  And finally, make a note of all the stuff floating in your head rather than trying to remember it.  A note on a piece of paper, a digital note on your phone, or even a voice memo, are all great ways to empty your head without worry of forgetting so you can focus on your morning routine.  (If you'd like to read to whole post about tips to avoid a mad rush morning, click here.)

4. Sleep
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It's really hard to get up early (and do it consistently) if you don't get enough sleep.  That's not a profound statement, just common sense.  In a previous post, I wrote about a really good day I had that began with a good night's sleep, so I wanted to figure out how to consistently get that kind of sleep to create more really good days!  I've found that stress has a huge impact on my sleep, so making my bedroom as calming as possible is a must!  Even if the rest of the house isn't clutter-free, I try to make sure my bedroom and bathroom are picked up.  A bedtime goal (mine is 10:30 - 11:00 p.m.) also helps, but I've found that one of the most important parts of getting a good night's rest is to go to bed before my husband.  Reading a physical book in bed to the light of my bedside lamp with the noise machine set on the rain sound makes me sleepy.   I use a specific scent of lotion every night (and only at night) right before I turn off the lamp to tell myself it's sleeping time!  I also prepare for whatever temperature I might want in the middle of the night.  If I start out with no socks, I have a pair on my bedside table.  I have headache medicine in my bedside drawer and some water within arm's reach just in case.  The quicker I take care of small nighttime nuisances, the more sleep I can get.  My sleep goal is 7-8 hours per night.  I track it with my fit bit, and normally am just shy of 7, so I've got some room for improvement!

5.  Don't compare 

Who cares if you haven't run three miles or read a chapter of a personal development book or made your family a hot breakfast? Morning routines are about YOU, not everyone else.  Like I admitted earlier, my personal, outside time on some days is literally just breathing!  What matters to me is that I'm up, I'm motivated, and I'm growing.  I don't share my ideas and experiences with you so that you feel bad about yourself for not doing exactly the same, I'm sharing them so you can feel inspired or motivated to find your own, personal morning routine that works for you!  As much as I wish I loved exercising and could check that off my to-do list before 8 a.m., it's probably never going to be part of my morning routine (because I will continue to be red-faced and sweaty even post-shower for hours after any level of physical exertion!)  So, you know what?  I'm ok with my own routine that may not fit the "ideal" because it fits me! 

I encourage you to find what works for you and stick with it for at least 3 weeks to determine if it's going to move the needle.  I could see positive change after just one workweek of going outside in the mornings, but one workweek does not a habit make - keep it up!  I would love to hear what you find as the key to your morning - share with us in the comments or on the Facebook page!

Last week, I realized it was time to embrace that being a small part of something big is enough.  As I pondered what this meant in my real life here's what I came up with:

• Passion matters more than being seen

If I'm passionate about the small part I'm best at, I can make a significant contribution to the whole, even if that's not the part others will see or remember.  I don't need recognition, just the knowledge that I did my best in an area that I really cared about.

• I can't know it all, and no one else can either

I hope I'm not alone in feeling like everyone else must know more than I do.  In fact, I surmise, that I know a similar amount to others, but we just know and excel at different things.  

• What if's about the past don't help, but what if's about the future empower

When I ask myself over and over what if I would have done this or that in the past, my focus is compromised, but when I ask what if I do this or that in the future, I can decide what my focus should be going forward.

• I can create momentum through focus

That word, focus, is one that I want more of!  I've often felt like a "jack of all trades, master of none."  Choosing a small amount of things to focus on would help propel me forward.

• Feeling overwhelmed doesn't diminish your worth

We all have a purpose and value.  (Say that  to yourself a few times!)  

• I don't have to be a leader all the time

"You're a natural born leader," they say.  What I want them to say is, "It's ok to follow sometimes."

​What about you?  Do you feel like you have to be on top to matter or have you already mastered the art of teamwork and honing your specific skills so that you can compliment others with a common, big-picture goal?  I'd love to hear from you.  Comment below or email info@mylifeinorder.com.

I took a spring break from my blog.  I'll be honest - for these past couple of weeks, I didn't know what to write because I've been feeling very "out of order,"  and I felt a little like a fraud for even having this blog when I felt so out of control.  Control, that's a little word that seems to cause me so much trouble!

Last Sunday at church, was the first time in a while that I felt like it was ok to just sit and be.  I was allowed not to worry, not to feel guilty about all I should be doing, and didn't feel inadequate for the things I've been trying so hard to do and not succeeding at.  I was reminded that most of the minutia of my life, in the grand scheme of things, isn't really a big deal.  The things that ARE a big deal, well, I can't really change the outcome in any way by worrying or fixating on them. The Bible verse, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" from Luke 1225 is so true, so simple, and yet so hard to put into practice!  

Like so many of you, I'm a faithful This Is Us watcher, and a couple of episodes ago, Randall and Beth were shown as young parents, playing the "what's the worst that could happen" game.  I loved the reminder that even though there are always bad possibilities, the likelihood that they are going to happen is very slim, so it's not worth my energy to worry about them.  ​

Most of us have had times in our lives where we wake up with a sick feeling in the pit of our stomachs thinking about what could happen today, and sometimes we convince ourselves ahead of time that we know what the outcome will be.  I've learned through experience that there are two things I definitely can NOT do and those are predict the future or go back in time.   Because I can't do those things, I'm trying to make it a habit to focus only on what I can control and not what I can't.  It helps me to actually write out a list of each.   When I spend my time on what I can control, it makes it easier not to fret about the rest.  I realize now that being out of control is ok, is natural and once I accept it, can actually be freeing!

I found that the number of things  I can control is much less that what I cannot.  But that's what makes it manageable!  My general list of what I can control is just this:

• my bedtime and time I get up in the morning
• food that goes into my mouth
• words that come out of my mouth and my tone of voice
• if I wear a smile or a scowl
• the content of the written messages I send 
• the time I spend working vs. time spent (distraction free) with my family
• how much I move
• how much I read vs time I spend on a screen
• what I think about
• how I react
• how I plan ahead

I'm making it a new practice during my weekly review, to write down how I want these areas of my life to look in the next week.  Give it a try yourself! For example, this week I looked at my calendar of commitments and responsibilities and decided I could CONTROL going to bed by 10:30 and getting up at 6 this week, and I could CONTROL the snacks I pack in my lunchbox, and I could CONTROL going on a walk during my kids' sports practices this week, etc.  

I'm a real life pinball machine.  I feel that little ball pinging around inside of me.  There are flashes of light competing for my attention, and I'm constantly pounding on the buttons that control the flippers to keep the ball from escaping the course.  There are times I can remain focused, keep my eye on the ball and keep it from being lost.  I feel proud of being in the groove and seeing my 'score' going up and up.  But just when it seems like I've figured out this game called life, somehow I level up, and now instead of one ball to keep track of, there are two.  And so it repeats until the pinballs have multiplied and become unmanageable and overwhelming.  As my stress level increases, I can feel them in my chest, and I have to remind myself to stop and breathe.  My head doesn't stop considering all of the demands and expectations.  They are ever present - even in my sleep.   I want to stop pounding the flippers and just let all of them slide, unopposed, down the chute. That would allow me to start a new game, a fresh one, where it's really possible to keep track of my responsibilities.

Rather than quit, we need to come up with strategies to make us better.  Here are four ideas to get you started:

1.  Recognize why you are overwhelmed
Are you always "on", always connected?  Are you saying yes too often?  Do you avoid delegating?  Do you over promise or set unrealistic deadlines?  If you answered yes to these, try disconnecting some of the time, saying no, sharing the load and giving yourself some margin!

2.  Remove distractions
When you try to do too much, it's easy to try to multi-task to get it all done.  When we try to do more than one thing at once, what we're really doing is building in distractions for ourselves.  Work on short bursts of real focus.  Try the Pomodoro Technique where you work without a break for a period of time, and then get up and away from your work for a short break time.   Turn off notifications or even (gasp) close your email and instant messaging programs for a while so you are not tempted to check for incoming messages.  If you work from home, designate an area that is your "office" and use that space only for working.

3.  Take a break
Take short breaks like described above during working hours, but also consider taking a longer break from some responsibilities.  It may be time to prune your schedule to allow for some free time in your week.  Scheduling time to do nothing does not mean you are a slacker!  Consider an actual vacation where you can really disconnect from your day to day responsibilities including the technology that ties you to them.

4. Practice 
Practice really does make perfect.  If there's something you want to accomplish, you have to get better over time.  Learn from your mistakes, and systematically improve.  Make lists, read books, seek advice from those who have been successful already.

Music doesn't only make me cry, it inspires me.  There are all sorts of music - some with lyrics that would make you blush, some that only sound good with a major twang, and some with a better beat than melody.  I love all that this abstract thing we call music is - music is math, it’s art, it’s emotion, and it’s everywhere! Music brings people together, transforms us, allows us to express what’s deep inside, and displays God’s perfect design.